Reply to Am I the only one not crazy about the idea of a nanny?

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Reply to "Am I the only one not crazy about the idea of a nanny?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We never wanted a nanny. Saw too many at the playground on my first maternity leave. Never comfortable with the lack of oversight. [/quote]

How did you know they were nannies?  Because they were Brown?  If you saw our nanny in the park running and engaging my son you would assume she was his grandmother and not his nanny because nanny is white and older.  If you saw my Costa Rican best friend with her blonde child, you would think she was the nanny (everyone does).

And, btw, I have only heard about the “lack of oversight” here and never in real life.  
[/quote]

DP but come on. It is very easy to figure out who is a nanny. Sure, there might be certain situations where someone makes an assumption one way or another, but usually it's very obvious. And it's not just demographics, though yes, if I see a 50-something Dominican woman with a baby, I assume she's a nanny. Not because I'm racist but because I'm not an idiot. But also nannies have a way of doing things that makes it obvious. All the nannies in my neighborhood know each other. They help each other a little with each other's charges. Often at the playground, the nannies will get there around the same time (they arrange this in advance) and sit together and get their kids on the same schedule. Often they speak to each other in a non-English native language (and since I speak Spanish but they might not realize this, I can also listen to them gossip about their employers or their own families). If you are on mat leave or a SAHM and go to playgrounds, story times, music classes for babies, etc., you quickly learn to identify nannies. It's not rocket science.

Anyway, given that I am very good at spotting a nanny, I can tell you that the PP is not incorrect. Nannies engage in a LOT of benign neglect, generally. There are some exceptions -- I've met some nannies who really get down with the kids and play with them a lot and interact with them. But the average nanny in my neighborhood is not like this. Most of them are on their phone a lot or talking to there nannies. At playgrounds they do a lot of sitting with fellow nannies, or sitting on a bench on their phone, and encouraging the kids to play on their own. They do their jobs, don't get me wrong -- they make sure the kids get appropriately times snacks, they deal with playground altercations or injuries, they apply sunscreen and provide water, they check in on potty needs, etc. They don't neglect. But they aren't interacting with the kids that much. They definitely look to find schedules that allow for them to spend much of the day around other nannies with similar age kids so the kids can play together and the nannies can talk or use their phones or whatever. I'm sure they interact with their charges more at other times of the day (especially when at home and around their employers) but often I'd be around the same group of nannies for hours and hours (from a 9am story time through play time at a nearby playground, lunch at that playground, until we all took kids home for naps) and I'd be interacting with my child a LOT more during that time than they did. Not a judgment just an observation.

A lot of people prefer nannies because it's more convenient for the parents. You don't have to pack anything or even get your kid ready for the day. No commute. Nannies will often do some housework and food prep for the kid, which is amazing.

But sometimes I see people talking about how they value a nanny because it means more one-on-one interacting for their kid than they might get in daycare. That's definitely true for babies. But once they can walk, it's over. Your mobile child will probably get more direct oversight in a daycare than with a nanny, even with the much higher child to worker ratio. Because in a daycare, the workers are doing things all day. They schedule art projects, do schedules story times, etc. Daycare workers are never going to get away with spending hours a day on their phones while handing out snacks when necessary. They have to be much more hands on that that. If daycares operated the way most of the nannies in my neighborhood operate, with that degree of benign neglect, they'd probably get shut down.

That's why when my 1 year leave was over, my kid went to a (terrific, small, well-run) daycare instead of a nanny. I would hire a nanny for an infant in a heartbeat if I couldn't stay home with my baby -- my preference would be one-on-one, at-home care for a child until they can crawl very well and are interacting with their play space a lot. But by 1 year and definitely by 18 months, I think daycares make more sense, personally, and I really don't think the extra cost of a nanny makes sense except insofar as it's more convenient for parents. But not from a childcare perspective. Daycares are GREAT for toddlers.[/quote]

Interesting.

I'm 36, white, speak Spanish with a non-native accent.  I'm also a nanny who is constantly expected to be the parent.

Frankly, a nanny should be playing with the child at home, but unless the child is not walking, they shouldn't be playing with them at the playground.  That space is specifically designed for child-child interaction.  I encourage my charges to play next to or with other children.  I keep an eagle eye on them as toddlers and preschoolers, less so as they get older, but I'm constantly aware of what they're doing and where.  That means (as an example, one of the many times I've been accused of ignoring the kids) if I'm ordering the cupcakes for the middle child's birthday in two weeks, I know that the 3yo is swinging on my left, 7yo is in the center playing tag with other children and 5yo is on my right playing with another child with trucks; I have pictures and videos that I take throughout the time we're at the park, and most of my charges behave like they're capable and not being watched, even when they are supervised well.  I'm the first off the bench when *any* child is hurt, and I don't want to count how many parents have been thankful that I pack first aid (and know how to respond to scrapes vs emergencies), extra water, extra sunscreen, extra gloves, etc.[/quote]

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