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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Personally, I think your sister has a point.  Why DO both you and your husband feel the need to have "high paying demanding jobs" while you still have kids around?  You say you aren't doing it just for the money, so why, then?  Why is it so critically important that you both have "high paying demanding jobs" as your first priority, with family time being second?

[/quote]

Some people like to set themselves up for success and provide for their families. Some people are content with working until they're 70, being renters their whole life, and hoping their kids student loans aren't too high. Different strokes.[/quote]

That's all well and good, but you don't need two parents to both have "high paying demanding jobs" while kids are still young in order to do that.

We didn't.[/quote]

Good for you. In this area - most people do. On my street a normal 3,000 sqft home is $1.7M. The entire street is young parents in their 30s to 40s with kids between newborn to 8/10. To afford that you need a household income of at least $400K. Preferably higher and that's not even considering the costs of nannies, daycares, and/or private education. So you need to be strivers. If you live somewhere that's not the case, good for you. If only one of your partners makes $400K by themselves, also good for you. That's rare. [b]We do what we have to have the lifestyle and opportunities we desire for our kids.[/b][/quote]

You don't desire it for your kids.  You desire it for yourself, and often it comes at your kids' expense.  You just can't or won't see it.  [/quote]

Okay? That's your belief. I had my firstborn(s) within 4 months of my friend. I've been able to afford a live-in nanny, doula services, and pre-registered for a private pre-K with educational services for my twins. The friend had to beg her husband to shuffle around income for a part-time nanny 3 times a week and he's still not home as often as she likes because he's the main source of income. Their commute is now an hour each way (on days she's not WFH) and mine has stayed 15 minutes. I can afford to take my child on trips for educational enrichiment abroad and get intensive language tutors when needed. She can't.

Those things are not at my kids' expense, they are providing my children for a better, more well-rounded future. In addition to the personal time I spend caring for and with them. If I was earning the money just for myself I'd spend the $30,000 a year I've allocated beyond the nanny expenses on a Berkin.

And that isn't even including housing. If my friend is spending $40,000 a year on rent and I'm spending that equivalent+ on a mortgage with appreciation baked in every year - who's coming out ahead? Me. Because I planned and made it happen.[/quote]

You sound like a really great friend. [/quote]

I am a great friend - who doesn't mention her salary, her home purchase price, or the additional benefits for the kids unless directly asked. When I am not a great friend is when you try to take [i]your[/i] insecurities out on me when I'm just living my life. Save the snarkiness for your husband or your internal monologue. I'm not the one.[/quote]

Maybe just end the friendship. Seems the most mature thing to do.[/quote]

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