Reply to On a scale of 0-10, how angry would you be

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "On a scale of 0-10, how angry would you be "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here again. These responses are interesting and somewhat reflect how I feel.

I want to give him grace because we are human and will mess up sometimes.

I want to wring his neck because this happens semi-regularly. He gets in work mode and forgets everything else. Yes, he has diagnosed ADHD and he is medicated, hence my attempts at putting systems in place for success (calendar reminders, email reminders, texts, calls, ughhh).

I was the kid whose parents were always late to pick me up after school,[b] so his forgetfulness in this situation really really bothers me. I hate memories of being the one left behind. [/b]

[/quote]

I say this gently, as someone who was married to a parent who did not have the basic emotional skills to imagine what the child in this situation feels like being forgotten -  you simply cannot provide enough of a safety net to prevent him doing this kind of stuff. Stepping in to control schedule, set up reminders, pick up forgotten or ignored tasks takes a tremendous amount out of you emotionally but also in terms of real time and energy you could be putting into your career and your own relationships with kids, friends and family.

At some point (after far more time than was necessary), I had to drop the rope.  The kids see their Dad for himself, truly, and it is not a pretty picture. He does not have the skills for an close emotional relationship or regular presence. Yes, it is due to a mental disorder, but that does not make it my job to fix or compensate for.  I support my kids coping with the real-life effects, not trying to make him seem what he is not or provide what he cannot.

Put on your own oxygen mask first. Then put the oxygen mask on your kids. Your DH is a grown up - he has to figure out his own oxygen mask. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics