Reply to How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a friend who had a very tough labor and delivery - was in labor for almost 48 hours before an emergency c-section.  She had done a lot of research and really wanted a vaginal birth - she hired a doula and wanted to keep going even when things weren't progressing (hence the 48 hours).  Her husband is my friend too and told me she is really upset about how it ended up and he thinks may be causing (or at least contributing to) PPD, along with  struggles breastfeeding.  She is a pretty type A/anxious person and really wants to do things "right" (I'm putting it in quotes because I know there is no "right" or "wrong" way to deliver).

I would like to reach out to her and be supportive.  I don't want to minimize her experience [b]but I also want her to know it isn't some big disaster that she had a c-section.  As a mom of two kids I know that the birth experience seems all-important at the time, but it quickly loses relevance compared to first smiles, first steps, first days of school, etc.[/b]

Any suggestions for supportive things to say that aren't condescending or dismissive?[/quote]

Please DO NOT say anything like this.  A traumatic birth will always be relevant.  It will fade over time, but it will always be there.

Please listen to her.  If she wants to tell her birth story, listen.  Acknowledge her feelings.  She is probably feeling guilty about the birth AND feeling pressure to move on from her negative emotions.  Listening will give her "permission" to have the emotions she has about her birth.

Other than listening, maybe encourage her to meet with a therapist.  I wish someone noticed that I was not doing well and suggested this.
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