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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don’t quit your job. Your savings are too low to be comfortable. When you have several houses with your husband for $10mm or so then you can “retire”. I recently divorced in a similar situation. Was SAHM for 10 years, and went to $65k/year job. My exH quit his job just before divorce in order not to pay child support  and alimony. Thankfully we had assets and I got 2 rental properties $4mm worth that help a lot.
Your lost future earning capacity, retirement savings, loss of social circle would never be restored if you quit. Just find something less demanding and never rely on other people. Husbands come and leave all the time, particularly those who travel often…. [/quote]

Lucky my husband doesn’t travel I guess lol[/quote]

Smh...you sound like you've got the street sense of a 10 year old.  Good luck.[/quote]

This was a tongue in cheek response to someone who thinks you need $10m in the bank before anyone can even think of quitting.  I guess sarcasm doesn’t translate on the internet. Oh well. [/quote]

It wasn't just that response--it was the a) my marriage is so singularly amazing, b) my husband only works with men, c)my husband never travels, d) I don't get any of my identity from work (though you probably don't know what it means to take on just the SAHP identity without the regard you get for being a lawyer), e) I really like cleaning and chores (and somehow don't think that maybe you wouldn't like them if you had to do them endlessly or hire them out and then fill your time somehow), f) discounting the fact that you're too overwhelmed to find a nanny--just think you don't want one--but somehow you're not so overwhelmed to change your life trajectory after pursuing college, graduate education and a career.  I just get a vibe of willful,[quote] cheery naivete[/quote] that either is really clueless or just wanting to go down a path eyes wide shut. [/quote]

I agree with your points except "cheery naivete". I think she's overwhelmed and depressed, leading her to ill-thought-through decisions.[/quote]

Of course you’re right I’m overwhelmed - if everything was chugging along seamlessly and I loved my work and life was calm and organized I obviously wouldn’t think of quitting.  The other things though aren’t really on point though.  I never said my marriage was singularly amazing, just that my husband is a great partner and I don’t have any complaints - that’s just true.  I’m sorry if that’s hard to believe but there are people with good marriages and it doesn’t make them naive.  Of course things can always change but right now it’s good.  He does only work with men, only mentioned in response to someone who thinks professional workplaces are teeming with younger women trying to steal married men - even if that is true, it’s not a risk factor for me (I know anyone can meet someone anywhere, I was just responding to the specific point about other women at work).  He doesn’t travel for work, again mentioned in response to someone who said that men who travel often are likely to leave you - so that just isn’t a risk factor in my situation.  You might be right about the chores, who knows what I’ll think later but right now I’d rather to them than work!  Why is it hard to believe that I don’t get my identity from work?  I know people seem to somehow get their worth from a “prestigious” job or even just “being a lawyer” but I don’t.  I care about being a good wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend and get satisfaction from that.  I don’t say that as a value judgment - if you get a feeling of worth or contributing to society or whatever from your job, that’s great (truly - I often wish I felt that way about my job), but other people feel differently.

I’m mostly just surprised by how many people are like you should make all your decisions based on the chance that your husband will cheat on you and leave you destitute.  Could it happen?  Sure, anything can happen.  But each individual marriage has its own likelihood of this happening, im sad that so many people think this is a big enough chance in their relationship that all decisions are based on assuming it will happen.  (I know you will call me naive and maybe idiotic for having faith in my marriage - so be it.  We will have to agree to disagree there.)[/quote]

This still reads very defensive to me.  FWIW I have a great marriage, married 25 years now, get identity and value from many sources: work, from my service, my roles in a family, my creative enterprises.  But nearly everyone who has a job with prestige think it doesn't matter to them until they don't have it anymore and experience its absence.  But you think you're going to be different.  Also, just structurally in a dual income marriage the husband has to be more involved in the day-to-day, when that changes, it enables him to focus more on work away from the job, whether or not infidelity becomes an issue.  But you think you're going to be different.  It's not that it's inevitable, but the point is that responsible people ensure their future--and this trajectory happens enough with SAHP in your situation that you should at least think it through more and protect yourself for it.  And you haven't tried ANYTHING like getting a nanny to help your situation which makes many of the responders think you're not thinking straight--you just want to go nuclear and quit indefinitely and hope for the best.  But good luck, I'm done with giving unwanted advice.[/quote]

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