Reply to How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Listen, validate her feelings, offer encouragement and support. But mostly listen. Encourage her to speak with her doctor and get a referral for some postpartum mental health help. Stay on top of her husband to make sure he is supporting her the ways she needs it.

For a lot of us, disappointment over how a birth went seems so foreign. You are pregnant, you delivered a healthy baby, why are you mourning the experience [b]when the end result is perfect[/b]? But for people with anxiety, depression, or who might be prone to postpartum mental health struggles, it’s their own personal tragedy. A lot of new moms and that position just need to vent or cry or complain or mourn. You just listening and asking if she wants advice will be a big help, I am sure. You are a good friend to want to approach her situation with care but not to take a backseat if you think she is not getting the help she needs.[/quote]

Mom's health is part of the "end result". Stop telling women that only their baby's health matters. It's not true. Mom's mental and emotional and physical health is part of the end result of childbirth. I was told over and over again that my birth injuries were no big deal because my baby was healthy - but they WERE a big deal because I was in pain for 5.5 months (like, 24/7 excruciating pain that never went away and caused a ton of problems) and it affected my ability to parent my newborn. Mom's health, mental AND physical, need to be taken care of.[/quote]

Yes ... that was what PP was saying... that some people don’t get it (likely because they were fortunate not to have PPD or PPA or PTSD) but that being a good friend is realizing when your friend IS struggling with her mental health and you do something to support her. Aside: i’m sorry you had such a difficult delivery. It sounds like you’re still dealing with a lot of the after affects and I wish you well![/quote]

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