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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What if SO is fine but comes from a family filled with drugs,debt, drama or other problems. Family problems are bound to engulf or at least effect SO and by association your child.[/quote]

Would you care to elaborate, in a more mature and nuanced way, what you mean by “drama”? Are you a “Real Housewife of Potomac”?[/quote]

It sounds very clear unless reader is trying to be obtuse because it’s hitting a nerve. [/quote]

Would you consider student debt to be "drama"?
Would you consider anxiety or depression to be "drama"?
How about severe allergies or [b]chronic illness?[/b]
How about being a different religion?
Keeping kosher or other religious practices that might be "dramatic" for hosting/visiting/holidays?
Being from another country and having parents living overseas--is that "drama"?
Being a recovering alcoholic or drug addict--someone who has been clean for a decade--is that "drama"?
Having a parent who has a tough illness or mental illness?

Is anything "drama" that makes life a little messy, a little uncomfortable, a little complex at times? Just wondering.[/quote]

I think you're putting words in the other poster's mouth.  But you need to consider that some things ARE indeed worthy of consideration.

A close friend of ours married a woman who was diagnosed with a long-term, degenerative illness that was diagnosed about 2 weeks before their wedding.  While he loved the woman, his life was incredibly difficult and I know he wished he had taken some time at the front-end and pushed back the wedding date.  It would have helped him decide if he could handle the marriage for the long course AND he would have been better able to get a support system set up if that had been his choice.  Instead he felt pressured by the fact that the wedding was planned, all that money spent, and that he would look like a lout if he said "wait a second, let's think this out."  I'm not saying people with chronic or long-term degenerative illnesses shouldn't marry but I am saying that people really need to think it through.  That isn't drama, that's common sense.

The same argument can be made for recovering addicts or people with mental illness.  Proceed with caution.  Know what you're getting into, know how much you can handle, and how much you can take.  Love, while wonderful, doesn't conquer all when it is 3 am and you're dealing with an alcoholic on the verge of relapse.[/quote]

Wow. So if she had gotten her diagnosis two weeks after the wedding, no big deal? He wouldn't so much have "looked like a lout" if he didn't go through with the wedding so much as he would have been an irredeemable lout if he had not gone through with it. You either want to be with someone for life, or you don't.[/quote]

Yeah, you're right, after the wedding you're stuck.  Too bad he didn't stop the train before the wedding.  In your case, you don't know what you're talking about in terms of "want to be with someone for life, or you don't" and I hope you never learn.  He didn't have a life until his wife died.  The first year was okay but the next 16 were incredibly difficult, especially since by that time they had a kid (she was 3 months pregnant when they married and it was a problem with the pregnancy that caused all the testing that told them about the illness).  That child never learned what it meant to have a typical life in a normal family.  What he did learn was that he always had to be quiet, that mommy never felt well, and that no one could play with him because they had to take care of mommy.[/quote]

Too bad he didn’t not only dump her, but didn’t convince her to abort the child, eh? You’re a real gem.[/quote]

Um, no, abortion was never on the table.  If they hadn't married, though, then he would have been able to apply for permanent full-time custody and give the child a better life than what he had.  That would have been a big win for the kid.[/quote]

So it would have been “better for the kid” to not have as much time as he possibly could have with his soon-to-be-dead mother? Would have been better for the mother, too, to not have full custody and every possible second with her baby?

You keep getting better and better.[/quote]

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