Reply to Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]8:57, you’re right, it’s a blip in the scheme of things. Baby’s first year is a blip - mine is 12 now so trust me it’s all a blip. But that first year can be a really hard blip.

It sounds like your baby was on the easier side when it came to nighttime stuff. Mine was hell - he didn’t STTN reliably until he was over 2 years old. He was also later diagnosed with autism (so it wasn’t my failure, it’s just the way his brain is wired).

My ex refused to help with night duty after baby was 2 weeks old - and we didn’t even make it through the first year before separating. Thank god we did separate because that’s not the only issue we had, but I was made to feel like I was crazy for needing more support for nighttime parenting. I wasn’t, my baby was just hard.

So, you do you. But when someone asks if dad should be given a blank check on nighttime parenting duty, the answer is No. Everyone can come up with their own way of dividing the labor, but moms sleep is not less important than dads. Even during maternity leave - mom is still healing after all and NEEDS sleep in order to heal. Yes, some moms feel great post-birth. They still need rest to ward off PPD/PPA. [/quote]

The thing is the studies are clear that that “blip” sets lifetime parenting patterns. Men who don’t get up with their babies are men who don’t bathe their toddlers are men who haven’t the faintest clue what Susie’s teachers name is. So, OP, I would be guided by the actual research on this, not people who are absolute misogynists like the one saying women should not be allowed out of the workforce, or the ones giving themselves medals for how THEY did it all (because trust me, you will find so many of these magical people who did it all…bitter and divorced later). I would set the model for egalitarian parenting you want, and then I would implement it in a way that is compassionate to both of you. Maybe he goes to bed with the baby at eight because you napped until 2, and then you get the 10 and midnight wakeups and he goes “on” at 2am after he got a solid six hours? [/quote]

DP. It’s not “egalitarian” for OP’s DH to do half the nighttime wakeups and then go to work all day while OP gets to catch up on sleep bc her mom is helping everyday for 6 hours! That’s just some weird situation where DH is being forced into exhaustion for no reason.[/quote]

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