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[quote=Anonymous]I’m a stepmother.  It has been much harder than I ever imagined, and I went into it with very low expectations.

Read the book “Stepmonster”.  Then adjust your expectations downward and decide if you can find happiness in that kind of role.

I am lucky.  I got pregnant unexpectedly shortly after we married.  So I cannot say that I totally regret the marriage, because my happiest thing came from it.  But everything that I thought was okay pre-marriage: that my DH had been single (divorced) for years before I met him, that he was a devoted father, that he was not bitter about his ex…all of that fell apart once we were married.  So much was a mirage that I had created.  I soon found out all of the ways in which he was a terrible husband to me were also true of his first marriage.  He reverted nearly immediately to hostility, conflict avoidance, the silent treatment…all the norm in his first marriage.  And stepparenting went off the rails quickly, when my SD developed an addiction but my DH was in complete denial about it.  I became the bad guy who was trashing his daughter rather than the only one who could see how much she was suffering and desperately tried yo get her help rather than enable her destruction.  Even now that I was proven correct and SD has admitted that I was right all along, DH has never “forgiven” me for thinking so ooorly of his daughter.  Even though she trusts and confides in me now in her late 20’s, there is a wedge between us that will never go away, because he does not and has never seen me as his ally.  I don’t think he knows how to have an ally.  He trusts no one.

We lost a lot of money down the rabbit hole of SD’s addiction, rehabs, tuition (for 6 semesters of dropping out…but don’t get me started)…nobody likes a Cassandra.  [/quote]

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