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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Those folks who are asserting there's no harm to preserving this (hypothetical) lie are wildly misinformed. The impacts of this kind of secrecy are profound and lifelong.

At the most basic level, the OP's DH needs accurate health information. Not knowing his true parentage could set him up for unnecessary tests or, even worse, keep from him vitally important information about health issues he'll need to monitor closely. I'm adopted and am very familiar with adoptee health issues, which can be similar. It's a very serious problem, especially as we age. For example, my adoption was closed so I have to do colonoscopies more frequently than others. Medical care can be a real nightmare when you don't have an accurate family history.

In addition, the trust and identity issues run deep. When DH does find out, and he almost certainly will, his entire world will explode. Late discovery often leads people to fundamentally question every relationship in their lives, and from there it even more frequently leads to family disintegration because the trust violations are so significant. If the OP's DH ever finds out that she knew and didn't tell him, it would be the end of the marriage or the closest they'll ever come to it. Same goes for his mother. If she hopes to have her relationship with her son survive the exposure of these facts, she darn well better be the one who tells.

In this day and age, with the easy and comparatively cheap access to 23andMe, Ancestry, and similar testing services, there really is no hiding anymore.[/quote]

Why would you need to do colonoscopies more frequently if you are not showing any signs that you night have colon cancer? Seems like bad medicine to me.[/quote]

And your qualifications to come to this conclusion are...?
[/quote]

Feel free to post a link stating that people  are considered above average risk for colorectal cancer and therfor should recieve more frequetn screenings than average   simply due to being adopted.[/quote]

So, in other words, you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I figured.[/quote]

Np here. I work in healthcare and have never heard of this, and I guess it's not standard since you can't provide additional information justifying a need for more frequent Colonoscopies just because you are adopted.

Answering the op,   I like the blackmail option pp suggested🤣[/quote]

I'm the adoptee. Medicine is only just beginning to understand the long-term implications and health needs of adoptees. Until recently, I had never even seen a health intake form that had a place to note that the patient is adopted. Very hard to do that kind of research of you don't even know this information. That said, there is cutting edge stuff happening (finally) - thanks in large part to the advances in genetic sequencing. Thankfully, I get care at a major US research hospital where they understand that adoptee health needs are different.

But of course, working in health care pp, you surely already know everything about absolutely everything in medicine, which means you know all the differences in health care needs for adoptees, including the differences between those from open and closed adoptions. Would you like to describe some for us so we know that you really know what you are talking about? Maybe you can do something simple, like tell us what the suicide rates are for adoptees and how they differ from other populations? This is an easy one since adoptee suicide rates are frequently cited during adoption awareness month. You surely know when that is, right? I mean, working in health care, you would know everything.[/quote]

No offence, adoptee PP, but are you an international adoptee with questionable health conditions?

Why you need to go to a research hospital because yiu have a murky health history is unusual to me. *many* people do not know their health history, because their parents or grandparents were too busy with wars, displacement, emigrating, or being estranged to give them useful info. Many physicians have an “unknown” answer for family history.

I give you that many adoptees may also have other conditions due to maternal and perinatal care, but that doesn’t seem like it would be the case in this question, does it?

I get this is a sensible topic when you are struggling, but the fact is, OPs (hypothetical) DH has half his medical history already. He has grown up in a similar environment to his siblings. [/quote]

Adoptee here. I am a domestic adoptee from the Baby Scoop era. I am in reunion with my biological mother, so I also know half. I am in good health, though I have a rare gestational disorder that nearly killed me when it surfaced by surprise. (That pregnancy sent me searching for info, which is why I now know half.)

Half is good. And insufficient.

And the point is that in this hypothetical case, it is possible to know more. I get that you live with the uncertainty if there's a war, etc. In this hypothetical case, the only obstacles are pride, fear, etc. on the part of someone other than the innocent person who has a right to know the truth and may have his health negatively impacted because of the selfishness of others.

It's tragic. And truly unethical and reprehensible. [/quote]

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