Reply to Way to get past my resentment towards lazy DH, knowing he will not change?

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[quote=Anonymous]Op, why don’t you just push your DH to make more money and then you can outsource al the stuff he won’t do?

Seriously, my DH is a wonderful person who hates doing any housework or childcare. We have 3 kids, two with special needs. When we had our first kid I made more money than DH but I think he decides he would rather work harder at work than at home and switch to the private sector. I think he will make seven figures next year (5years after the switch) and now I could nag him about helping out but instead I just pay for someone else to do it.

It’s saved our marriage. I am also less resentful because he works a lot of hours, so it’s not like we both work 40 hrs and then I’m doing the second shift - he works 60+ hrs, I work 40 and do lots of kids/house stuff and his extra income pays for the rest to get done.

I do understand that not everyone can just shift jobs and double their income overnight, but it was a huge breakthrough when I realized that my DH was never going to voluntarily pitch in at home, even though he loves me a lot, but he is very professionally motivated and understands very well that more money means less housework for him.

Also, if you spend all your time focusing on all the things your DH sucks at, you are definitely going to be angry all the time. Your posts make it sound like you hate and have contempt for your spouse. You have tried to change him, he won’t change, or at least not that much. Either find a way to accept his lack of housework (like through a higher paying job) or divorce him. You are just making everyone miserable by trying to force him to do something he is telling you he isn’t going to do. [/quote]

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