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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=BlueFredneck]Posting on behalf of my wife, Chrome barfed before she could hit send.

Well, op, your wife did exactly what this bord suggests, you two went to therapy, and from her perspective, it didn’t work. She didn’t threaten divorce, something the board says to never ever do, she just told you she wanted one.

You said yourself you were lazy and selfish, nobody wants to be married to that.  It can be especially painful to be married to someone who can be all in for the kids, but then expects you to “take yourself to the movie” “get your own dinner” “buy whatever you want for Christmas”. 
W
Hatever was or wasn’t going on, your wife decided she didn’t want to live with it.  Given that you didn’t seem to learn from therapy or your wife’s unhappiness, why do you care?

Know that if you get a girlfriend, the relationship will look very different. The girlfriend will never say “Sally can’t see the movie on the 18th” because Sally isn’t her kid.  She’ll never say “I said no to 5 more minutes of Ipad” because it isn’t her kid.

In other words, all you’ll see is pliant adult who helps you, not a wife and mother. 
I told my husband this morning “we are raising  young lady here” when he said I was angry.  I wasn’t, I simply said that what our kid wanted to do on  given day wasn’t going to work.. other days would, but not the day she wanted. It took me an hour to sort out how to explain it to him and to his credit, he “got it”. This won’t happen with a girlfriend who is probably doing the pick me dance.. which may be what you want. Remember, as  divorced dad, you get free rein to neglect the women you date. That should work out well for you.  
[/quote]

I am dating a divorced dad. And have dated others. And your sentence “as a divorced dad, you get free rein to neglect the women you date” is so true. Men use their kids as an excuse all the time. Sometimes it’s legit and I understand and go along with it but a lot of times it is just a convenient excuse.[/quote]

I am a divorced dad and I've dated single moms who do that, too, so it isn't just a man thing.

That aside, none of the above scolding is relevant to the OP now. He's not asking for dating advice. He won't be (and shouldn't be) dating for quite a while. I can't understand why the women in this thread just can't get this, and obsessively return to the "YoU mUsT dO sElF-iNtRoSpEcTiOn aNd LeArN hOw YoU fAiLeD aS a HusBaNd" thing as if that should be his number one priority right now. No, it isn't, stop it.[/quote]

Reflecting on past experiences is part of getting his life on track, which is what the OP asked about.

Priority now is to figure out how to be an adequate father.  If he can't figure out what was wrong in his marriage he may make the same mistakes in parenting.  Being checked out and not taking responsibility is a good way to make your children hate being at your house and lose respect for you.[/quote]

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