Reply to Why do so many of us have issues with our ILs?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Why do so many of us have issues with our ILs?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I appreciate the color on all these replies.

But I think maybe I didn't ask the question well.  I'm not trying to dismiss the individual issues that people may legitimately have with their inlaws.  I'm asking why we seem to let it affect us so much?

A lot of this is just annoying quirks or behavioral traits that I have to think, at least for me, just roll off my back when other people have them.  Of course their is truly reprehensible behavior out there.  But we comment on the faces they make, the type of food that is served and how they eat it, the types of stories they tell, the way they engage with their grandkids that is just...different than our subjective expectations.  With my own MIL, even when I can laugh about it, I am so ATTUNED to it.  I work myself up before visits, I am always paying attention for the next annoying thing to notice, etc.  Even after 20 years, I am predisposed to find my MIL annoying.  In contrast, comparable behavior from my own father I don't even really notice unless DH points it out.

I know I'm generalizing and I know that the holiday season will give a skewed sample judging just from DCUM posts.  But still, in the aggregate, it appears that our outlook toward our inlaws is so much more judgmental than it is to other people in our lived.[/quote]

It's the "b**** eating a cracker" thing. People here commented about the underlying issues. The underlying issues make the little things more annoying. Your best friend can announce she's gluten free and lol, oh that Larla always trying some fad diet. But when MIL does it she's attention seeking and insecure and uninformed. Because of all the other underlying issues. [/quote]

OP here.  Thanks that is helpful and insightful.

As for my personal situation, I think it is the opposite.  My MIL is overbearing, sucks up the air in the room, says passive aggressive and even outright aggressive things about how we live our life, and is constantly interrupting people.  It is annoying.  But underlying all that is a loving woman who has led a life that is a good roll model for my kids, who is always checking in on us and sending little gifts, and who dedicates a ton of her time and energy to advocacy and making the world a better place.  But 90% of the time, I only notice the annoying stuff.  I'm trying to change my own outlook.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics