Reply to In the spirit of the holidays.... "Crazy Shit my Mom Says" revival

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I thought this was supposed to be funny.  People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist.  Does anyone have anything actually funny?[/quote]

NP. I don't know, PP, but I will try.

My mother was both German and a nurse, and she grew up at a time and in a context when being a sharp-witted, intelligent woman was not a plus. This made her into the biggest contradiction I have ever known. 99% of the time she was uptight and stern, with extremely strict morals. You do not talk to boys on the phone (a woman's voice "does things" to men). You always dress to be ready for someone taking pictures. "F**k" (when I saw it on the underside of the playground slide) is a dirty word for when men have sex with other men, and they will go to hell for it. Your pants have to be baggy, or men will stare at your buttocks and masturbate.

Very strict. Very repressed. And we had two priests in my generation of cousins, because we were so so Catholic.

And then -- the other "Marie" would poke out at the weirdest times. The profane one. In traffic, stuck behind slow drivers when the light turns green: "Oh, my god. He's just up there busy counting his balls to make sure they are still there," or "she can't stop braiding her t*at hairs to pay attention to the light? (We would freeze and try not to giggle.)

As she got older, Other Marie became more and more opinionated. She went from believing sex was only for procreation to advocating for 5-year marriage contracts, "so the men have to work at keeping you happy." She would casually tell me to "consult your ass" when I was in a dilemma, and then she would laugh. "Vwot does you-ar ass think? You-ar ass dez not lead you vrong!"

And she survived breast cancer, but not its return. She was on high dose morphine at the end because of the bone metastases. She was even less inhibited, and she was absolutely hysterical, and I loved her so much. When I consult my ass, it tells me she was a damn fine woman and a great mother after all. :)[/quote]

A lovely (and funny) tribute![/quote]

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