Reply to APS - elementary boys out of control?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually parenting and disciplining your children is amazing.

More people should try it.[/quote]

YES[/quote]

My kid is homeschooled right now so this whole thing isn’t an issue with me. But in defense of parents, this is unlikely to be all their fault. Unless they have massively changed since the pandemic, the parenting that was working before is now not preventing this behavior. The pandemic is the only variable we have so I think this is yet another impact of covid that we have to navigate. Parents need to figure that out but remember that it is harder than before because parents too are in the middle of a mental health crisis. And then a lot of it is kids just doing what their peers do so it’s possible that no amount of good parenting is going to stop a kid from acting this way if all the other kids keep doing it. [/quote]

There are also tons of behaviors that only show up in the classroom.  It's really hard to parent-away issues when you aren't present and they don't come up in other settings.

--parent of a 5 yo who (pre-pandemic) got in trouble several times daily for all of kindergarten for pushing with another kid over being near the front of the line and [b]no amount of talking about it at home or consequences made any impact[/b].  Some behaviors really have to be dealt with in the moment by the present adult.[/quote]

Then you have not found the right consequence, either positive or negative.  Look, I have a kid who can be very defiant and gets in trouble.  I get it.   Either your kid has some kind of issue where they can't physically control themselves, in which case get it diagnosed, documented, and get support in place.  OR your kid is just getting away with it and you're not doing enough.[/quote]
Oh come on.  5 yos are not known for their impulse control. That doesn't need a diagnosis.  At time to line up their buddy says, "Haha, I'm going to get in front of you in line. Haha."  So they push in front, consequences be damned, and the friend pushes back.  And no, I didn't try water boarding for pulling out my 5 yos fingernails, but no normal consequence helped.

This is really something to be dealt with in the classroom.  No reasonable teacher should punish the same kids for the same thing multiple times a day for months without changing something.  Perhaps call kids to line up by birthday or the letter of their first name or the side of the room where they sit, etc.  Or assign places in line.  Anything else, but what the teacher was doing clearly wasn't working.  [/quote]

No, silly, this IS indeed a parenting issue.  Your child is failing to listen to the adult in charge.  I have raised 7 five-year-olds.  I can't think of a single one who didn't know that I was in charge and who didn't do what I said to do.  If your kid is pushing and shoving in line then there is something that you've done in your home training that has allowed him to do that.  My suggestion is that you change your parenting and stop trying to pawn off your child's misbehavior onto some poor teacher to solve.

DP.[/quote]

Love this. Thank you!!![/quote]

Yeah, because no one ever has had children who behaved differently from each other or one "problem" child in a multi-child family.  Never has there been a family with one very popular, successful, high achieving, well-behaved child and also a child who acted out, didn't do well academically, or bullied other kids.  Never has there been a model family with a teen who became rebellious.  It's all nurture - no nature or combination.  All mental health problems and disorders are clearly parental in cause.  :roll:

I do agree that parents play a role - obviously.  However, the parent is not the one who needs to assert authority in the classroom when they aren't even there and the teacher absolutely needs to be the one in command and foster that respect.  Nevertheless, some people just aren't good at that and our litigious society has limited what schools are able and willing to do.  You can't yell at a kid and even if you speak firmly and authoritatively correct a child, some whacko will accuse the teacher of verbal and emotional abuse.  That whacko doesn't even need to be the kid's parent.

You are indeed a very special person and I'm sure everyone is in awe of you for being blessed with perfectly responsive children.  Very happy for you.[/quote]

As someone from a large family I am extremely skeptical of the parenting of the mother of 7 above. I am sure she believes she was perfect, though.[/quote]

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