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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]i hate to be the one to say this, but he does nothing because you have allowed him to do nothing.  it seems to have gotten worse over the past year or so, though.

did he ever do anything more than the minimum?

i would say take one week and write down every single thing that you do and have him do the same.  this will make it abundantly clear that the division of labor is out of whack.  tell him that you both work and even that your work takes 10 hours per day including commute and his takes 8 (with your actual numbers).  tell him he should actually be doing MORE THAN HALF of the weekly tasks and that you have had it and are considering divorce (if you are).  then divide up the tasks and DO NOT DO ANY OF HIS TASKS.

he needs to go to bed at a decent hour.  if he does, he will naturally wake up earlier.  i stay up way past when my husband goes to bed, but i don't sleep all day because of it.

if you are interested in staying together, then go to counseling.

he sounds like a colossal jerk.

my husband doesn't do everything just as i would like, but he certainly takes out the trash and unloads the dishwasher, ALWAYS, without being told.  if he forgets to unload, the dishes in the sink will pile up.  i pretty much never do it, maybe 5 times a year if he is working on something else big, like doing the flower beds or something.  he also does all the yard work and all the fixing of broken things.  not that this is ideal, but it is better than nothing, which is what your man does.

UGH ... sorry you have to deal with all this.[/quote]

Do this, but don't apportion the tasks in such a way that you will be upset if something crucial doesn't get done. Making the kids lunch, for example. They need lunch and they shouldn't be the ones to suffer if DH screws it up. Give him the trash, the dinner clean-up, the yardwork. Don't give him grocery shopping or dinner prep/cooking unless you are ok with him just ordering takeout or cooking up some hotdogs. Because that is still taking care of dinner even if it isn't to your standards. Whereas not taking out the trash or cleaning after dinner are pretty basic, low-standard things to meet.

Don't expect a complete 50% split, especially at first. Start with stuff that he could do competently that would free you up and de-stress you. And yeah, getting up with the kids half and half is one of those. (DH and I always get up together, whereas my sister and her husband do the split -- it can work either way.)[/quote]

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