Reply to Realized my SIL in "grey rocking" me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One of the other people is BIL and yes agree my husband sucks for leaving mento deal with this alone. we've gone rounds about it multiple times. God forbid he upsets sister by calling her out. He has before and she stonewalled him. [/quote]

“Called out” FOR WHAT? She doesn’t like you—not required to. She’s not interested in you—not required to be. She answers your questions. She’s giving you cues to leave her alone. LEAVE HER ALONE. Pretty freaking simple.

Talk to the others, bring a book or some knitting or a magazine or something. Get a hobby that isn’t being a slobbery Labrador chasing after a cat.[/quote]

You have to admit though that sil is rude and this would make holiday visits very uncomfortable. Op said that the family is small so put yourself in her place and imagine being ignored for an entire meal at a table with only 6 or so people. Her parents in law suck as they should call out sil for the rude behavior. I have a kid on spectrum and expect better behavior.[/quote]

OK, SIL sounds rude. Can you admit that OP sounds pretty rude? Here’s OP in her own words:

”He definitely has fault in the dynamic.[b] I’m sure I’ve given dirty looks and been snotty back in the early days. Once kids came along I tried to be more cautious with showing my annoyance with the behavior and just try to start new but she def holds a grudge.[/b] Her husband has said as much to my husband in a previous convo.”

No winners here. OP can, however, ***stop playing the game,*** which sounds like a better strategy than pushing and pushing and pushing for something that ain’t gonna happen.[/quote]

Yeah its funny, advice given here is to grey rock troublesome relatives and now a post about being grey rocked and people say 'oh that's rude'.  However the bolded above speaks volumes.  This relationship was not healthy and as a result the SIL has decided to grey rock which is designed to make you unappealing to talk to so the obnoxious person leaves you alone.  You give one word answers and don't engage.

Well here is OP confused about what to do, she can't get past that shield, she is bored and the advice given to her is to move on and leave SIL alone.

Hence grey rock works wonders with family members who are critical, give you dirty looks and are snotty toward you and you don't want to deal with them.  You don't stop doing grey rock because people like this rarely change, it is not holding a grudge, it is simply removing yourself from the toxic dance with a toxic relative.

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