Reply to Wedding bells for Princess Mako of Japan and Kei Komuro

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really don't understand how this family can look at 3 generations of women who have had massive emotional breakdowns, and yet maintain this level of rigidity.  Her parents DIDN'T HUG THEIR DAUGHTER GOODBYE.  That's cold.
I hope she makes lots of artsy friends in New York, and she and her hot husband have a great life.[/quote]

My father is Japanese. He does not hug. In public, he always acts very appropriately. Please make an effort to understand different cultures, PP. The Japanese are not demonstrative people. I am sure the Imperial family loves all their children, just like I know my father loves me. But no one in Japan expected this loving family to act any differently than they have. It's just how it is.

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Did your father refuse to help get a good start in your life?

Did your father decide not to finance a wedding and send you straight to the judicial docket?

Did you father watch as you drove off TO YOUR WEDDING and just wave and go back inside the house?

Did your father act so embarrassed of you that he wouldn't let you do traditional wedding rites inside the temple (Mako was forced to worship outside in the courtyard)?

Please. The way the future Emperor has treated his oldest daughter is disgraceful. Traditions or not.[/quote]

PP you replied to. You don't understand. This is what he believes he has to do to live up to the strict rules of the Imperial House. Until pretty recently, Royal Houses in Europe had strict protocol rules as well.

It does not mean that he doesn't love his daughter, or fails to understand her, or fails to support her in private. In Japan, one's public behavior can be extremely different from one's private behavior, and even more so for a member of the Imperial family. For example, it's not done for parents to praise their children in public. The accepted manner is to criticize them, to avoid appearing too proud of them, which would be uncouth. The subtle way you criticize them shows others how you really feel about them. Everything is subtle or what's unsaid is just as important as what's said.

My father acted in what you would have thought to be a very cold manner before, during and after my wedding. He did not approve of my husband. It didn't bother me at all, because I know he was conflicted and wanted the best for me. He supported me as a child (he sewed my school play costumes, made my bento lunch every morning, drove me to school, took care of me when I was sick) and has had occasion to support me during my adult life after my wedding. I know he loves me. He doesn't need to SAY so. Is that hard for Westerners to understand? The most important things in life need not be expressed.

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I am from an Asian culture though not Japanese. I detest it when people justify verbal and emotional abuse under the guise of culture. No, functional Asian families express their love and appreciation in ways that their children feel loved. What you described is dysfunction, what the imperial Japanese family is doing is dysfunctional and should not be swept under the guise of “Japanese culture”.[/quote]

She FEELS loved though. And through his actions, sacrifices and devotion to her, her father has shown more love than many fathers in Western cultures who talk a big game but fail to act lovingly. [/quote]

Americans are so full of it, just go to family forum and these are literally the last people in the world one should take seriously regarding family relations. They   Dump their parents to retirement homes. They send their kids off to college across the country for no reason. All they every day repeat that nobody owes anyone anything, that you should not judge your kids and parents’ choices etc etc. it’s this incredibly sick lonely culture and here they are lecturing others on how to properly show emotions.[/quote]

Please try not to over-generalize.  The people who post on DCUM aren’t even typical of DC, let alone representative of the US as a whole. 
Many of us take care of our parents and other family members, and maintain lifelong friendships and community relationships.  There are good reasons, though, for going away to school, and I’d be happy to discuss them with you in another thread if you would like.
-DC Native who went away to school and came back for family reasons. [/quote]

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