Reply to What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For men like me in my mid-40s, it's more about satisfying a need that I do not get from my wife who is really, REALLY disinterested in sex (like 6-12x a year, in a good year, and get it over with). The end game is that I assume my libido will die down (it already has somewhat from my 20s and 30s) and maybe in a few years I won't care that much and we will live happily ever after.

The question of why I don't divorce is obvious. Kids and finances and stability. I tend to agree with the previous poster, if my wife doesn't want to have sex, she can divorce me, which of course she won't for the same reason.

Why do so many people care how men in sexless marriages handle this issue? It doesn't affect you.[/quote]

You are only one person.  The vast majority of cheaters are getting weekly sex at home.  They aren’t in miserable marriages.  They (gasp) even love their wives.[/quote]

It does affect me.  The culture of tolerance of cheating in the marriage and the acceptance of men lying about the sex they are getting in marriage does affect me.  The lying and manipulation around sex gives the liar power in the dyad and makes sex fundamentally non-consensual - both for the wife and the AP.  My now ex DH was cheating.  He had sex with me 2-4 times a week.  He never complained about quality or quantity.  At the same time, he was writing the AP emails about how he wasn’t having sex with me and was just with me out of some kind of obligation.  Nothing could have been further from the truth - if he didn’t want to be with me, I certainly didn’t want him.  When he was confronted and I offered to divorce, he was crying and begging to stay with me - a surprise to the AP, who clearly was unaware of the true status of his relationship.

Ultimately, I cut him loose because that amount of lying and manipulation is sociopathic. Women are not so eager for marriage that they are willing to stay - knowingly - in that environment.  And, I say “knowingly” because it took some real sleuthing on my part to uncover what was going on. [/quote]

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