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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op and just wanted to add: I meant to say that doing the chores ahead of time is so I can recover in a pleasant environment. I have no expectation that he’ll care for the house while I’m out of commission, but he won’t even care for that part of it that will affect me.

I don’t care if the house gets dirty, but I hate the idea that I’ll be caring for a pretty nasty incision/wound and trying to prevent infection in a bathroom that he won’t bother to keep up, I’ll run out of clean comfortable clothing, I’ll be hungry because he doesn’t feel like bringing food upstairs yet again, or out of water or sleeping in sweaty sheets unless I beg for a water bottle refill or clean bedding. Cleaners and meal kits are great, but will only help DH and my kid, not me.

There are things that I think a person who is in pain medication and has fresh stitches shouldn’t have to ask for in real time and can’t hire out. The stuff I can’t outsource is precisely what DH won’t do.[/quote]

I hope this is just misplaced anxiety. You are really catastrophizing here. You might only be out of commission for three days. And sleeping on the same sheets for a few weeks isn’t the end of the world. If you literally have to “beg for water” then you should get a divorce once you are recovered.[/quote]

The "I'm going to die of a staph infection because he won't clean the bathroom twice a week" is really over the top.  [/quote]

Agree. Maybe OP's husband is so casual about this because OP freaks out all the time. Hard to tell.[/quote]

Her being so over the top may in fact what pushes him to the other extreme.

OP, I had a mother who obsessively cleaned, it was not a happy home for kids. Your priorities are wacked and likely driven by anxiety. You sound miserable. Your choice to focus on you and what you can control or continue on this way. Your kids deserve better. My mom is now elderly and her anxiety, if anything, is worse. She has never developed any coping skills. She has lost friends and neighbors are polite but distant because it really turns people off, esp if it is not a crisis but everyday life is an ongoing crisis.

Outsource the things that are possible and look into CBT or other techniques to manage anxiety. Talk therapy is not going to help and may make you worse. You need tools. [/quote]

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