Reply to How do some people luck out with great adult kids and others have kids who abandon them

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How do some people luck out with great adult kids and others have kids who abandon them"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This post title should be “how do some people luck out with great parents”?

I know sometimes excellent parents have kids who are not nice people and/or who have all sorts of issues that cause the family to not be close knit as kids reach adulthood. Relationships are complicated. It’s rarely the case that those on the outside of the family really know what the family dynamics are like or how the parents are as parents.

Most people (neighbors, extended family members, friends, etc) would guess my parents were stable, loving, involved. But my dad is/was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic and my mom is/was his enabler. To this day I have a strained, tense relationship with them. My parents get angry and upset w me and my siblings for not being more present/attentive as adults. But we all keep strict boundaries with my parents. When they visit, my dad will sometimes start to say some of the same mean things to my kids that he said to me as a kid and I’ll call him out on it. He’ll get upset, my mom will take his side, and my kids will be confused what just happened bc they’re too young to understand it and bc they’re not used to being around someone mean like my dad so they just don’t know how to respond.

My mom loves my kids dearly and desperately wants a closer relationship with them. It’s so hard to deny her that due to my dads behavior but my first duty is to my kids and I won’t allow them to be abused by him the way I was. So my mom essentially has to choose the kids or my dad and sadly she’ll choose my dad every time.

I don’t think anyone other than my spouse and my siblings understand this dynamic. Even my closest friends don’t know what a jerk my dad is. Everyone thinks he’s this smart, witty guy w a dry humor. What he really is is an #%*hole.

[/quote]

I’m so sorry, PP.  In my family, my mom chooses my deeply dysfunctional sister over me and my kids every time.  Some of that is to protect my niece (sister’s daughter), but my mom has gone to the point of endangering my kids and that, I will not tolerate.  These dynamics can be so painful and so lonely when others don’t realize it.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics