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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like classic ADHD to me.

And the way I treat my son with ADHD is to praise the hell out of him when he gets it right.   It is so much more effective than pointing out the mistakes.   Trust me.[/quote]

Or classic high functioning autism. Brain can’t handle more than one thing, doesn’t multitask unless vitally important and for external people (ie getting fired or job reputation).

Keep a log so you know how pervasive the pattern is.

If adhd meds can help, if aSD maybe an executive functioning coach or behavioral therapy. But early intervention is the only way to avoid bad habits and defensive attitudes. At age 40 it’s Unf pretty ingrained.  He’s in over his head w adult responsibilities and is going to get nasty about it. [/quote]

So why is it that the brain doesn't work with internal people?[/quote]

Probably because they know the internal people will pick up the slack. Or because there won’t be any serious or extreme consequences and they know this - being aware of it can even occur subconsciously; it doesn’t have to be deliberate. The consequences for doing this to external people are a lot more serious, like losing their job. The reality is they’re a lot more  easily replaceable. This isn’t the case with spouses or children - most spouses won’t divorce over this and it’s not like kids can just choose to fire their parents and replace them with someone more qualified.

Regarding internal people, there’s also an incentive to be had: if they don’t do it correctly, the other half typically picks up the slack in the moment and may even relieve them of the duty entirely to avoid the same thing happening in the future. If the ‘forgetful’ spouse is lazy and manipulative, they may be doing it on purpose in order to (hopefully, in their mind)) get out of doing it, knowing their spouse will give in and take over the task from now on. Unless they possess those traits though, it’s likely not intentional and they’re probably just as frustrated and feel defeated by their shortcomings, especially if the spouse is constantly berating them about it. There has to be a balance - if you’re overly persnickety and strict about the way something is done, you either have to do it yourself and compromise by having them take over one of the tasks you’re not as fussy about or learn to relax and accept that everyone does things differently.

“If you want something done right, do it yourself.” << There’s a lot of validity to this saying. [/quote]

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