Reply to Husband's beloved rural cabin makes me ill

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you need to consider your long game and be really really honest with yourself and DH. The cabin is rustic/uncomfortable to you, you are bored being there, everybody else is off fishing and you don't know how, and, dealbreaker in my mind, the place makes you physically ill. If DH were willing to clean up and update the cabin and it no longer caused hives, could you see yourself being happier there? Assuming the health issue cleared up, would you be able to enjoy nature, take up kayaking or some other easy-to-learn activity you could do alone or with the family? Could you make updates to make the place more comfortable and more your own? Or is this cabin going to make you miserable no matter what?

We have a rustic lake camp that has been in my DH's family for generations. A number of family members have ownership and there are many strongly held traditions and nobody can change anything without a vote. Over the years, a few children of the family have grown up and married spouses who dislike it and don't want to visit. Some of them also prevented their spouse and/or children from visiting. The kindest thing OP can do, if making improvements would not help her enjoy it, is to be honest and say "I know you love the cabin and it means a lot to you to spend time here, but I don't. I've tried for years and I don't see that changing, even if we did xyz to fix it up. However, I want you to still be able to go there and enjoy it, so you are welcome to go with family members or take the kids there without me." Refuse to go, but don't try to prevent his going. Enjoy the relief of not being there, and having the house to yourself!

For all the PPs complaining that the OP pretended to like the cabin initially, a lot of people do this early in a relationship. They appreciate that this place is important to their partner, even if it is not their bag; But years pass and eventually they realize spending a lot of time here is not going to work for them long-term. I can't blame her for that. But she needs to consider whether renovating could help, and if it won't, be honest now and going forward.
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