Reply to I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To address the several posters who asked about my job and the fact that I picked it:

I picked my job so that I can have a solid financial future and my kids can have opportunities. If I get a lower stress job, we could survive sure but lifestyle would take a massive hit as would savings of all kinds (retirement, college, cash savings, potential to send kids to private schools, etc).

My parents paid for my wedding and gave us house down payment. This helped us massively and call me crazy but I would like to do the same for my kids because it is not easy getting started out there.

DH doesn’t share my feelings. He thinks as long as we don’t die all is well. He has no DRIVE to take care of us in a proactive way.

It is stressful to try to provide for your family. I want to literally take some of that stress off of my shoulders and put it on his.

I actually like my job but I would prefer to coast a little bit, not worry about maximizing bonus and getting promoted. Have good enough be enough.

But I can’t do that while he is so happily laid back with no upward career trajectory. We are just not compatible at all in this regard and the thought of forcing myself to lower my standards makes me feel like I am being snuffed out by him.

But as stated I also suspect, contrary to the prevailing view, that most women strongly prefer a driven man who is motivated to maximize his family’s well being.

[/quote]

This has been a standard male complaint since the dawn of time.  OP has figured out a new spin, though - it's OK for her do be cranky because her husband is missing some sort of "primal" need to take care of his family.  In effect, she's questioning his manhood.

Two things can be true:

- It is entirely reasonable to want both partners to make significant/roughly equal financial contributions to a relationship.  It's even understandable, if not quite as reasonable, to want the lower-earning partner to increase teir contribution, rather than have the higher-earning one downshift, so the standard of living for the entire family doesn't suffer (although "I want to pay for kids' weddings is pretty superficial).

- OP has managed to take a reasonable point and articulate it in the crappiest way possible. That's not easy to do, and speaks volumes about her character.  
[/quote]
This is well-said. I think OP has posted a variation of this thread dozens of times, and doesn’t ever take the advice to either (1) get therapy to help her understand why she is so obsessed with living a high-status life  with a high earner so she can have all the luxuries she covets; or (2) divorce this handsome, funny man with a solid government job so he can be free to build a good life on his own or with a good woman. I think OP’s kids would be better off with less of her influence in their lives. [/quote]

First of all, I have not posted dozens of times.

Second of all, I grew up UMC, and I liked it. I prefer it strongly to living MC. Does that really require therapy to understand? [/quote]

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