Reply to Never get second or third date. Why am I so easy to pass over?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back with a few points …

1 - Yes, I figure someone would say “omg you wrote a wall of text, therefore you talk too much.” I do not talk on dates the way I write asking for self-help on an anonymous forum. 
2 - Yes, I do honestly think I’m a 7/10. Am I allowed to say that? I have a great body, I am put together when I go out, and I smile and look people in the eye. I’m not strikingly gorgeous (don’t have bright eyes or high cheekbones or anything that screams WOW) but I have nice clear skin and good hygiene… at worst my face is on the plainer side of attractive, but I have a great figure. 
3 - I love the ideas of “mock dates” with close male friends, and I do have a lot male friends. One has said that I may come off as “intimidating” or “too much” to some and that I need a “particular kind of guy”
4 - To clarify, I don’t really bring up politics or religion…. I do vet matches online for it just for compatibility reasons. I guess I sort of naturally feel it out through a conversation that a guy has a values system that isn’t too disparate, that he has a world view that I can appreciate. 
5 - To those who say never ask if a guy wants to see me again. Point taken, and no i don’t usually, although one good relationship I had was when I asked the guy out first. I guess even in the 21st century biological instincts for men to do the chasing are still there. I just hate the games and would rather be clear and up front 
6 - Yes, I really do have a hunch that it is the laying out too many “epic stories” and trying too hard thing. Interestingly, two recent rejection texts I have gotten were along the lines of “I had a lot of fun hanging out with you, I like how you are so passionate about XYZ, and you have a fascinating life, but I just don’t see this going anywhere” So they say it like those things are pluses, but the fact that they bring them up in a rejection text makes it sound like they are actually in fact minuses. 
7 - Lastly, the part about being myself vs trying too hard… thing is, being really active and traveling IS who I am. Sure, I like my DC area job, but it doesn’t define me as much as my experiences mountain climbing abroad for example or my more athletic side. I know it’s pretty basic to say “I like traveling and being outdoors” but when I say it, I mean it, and I bring it up to make sure a guy is on board with my more active lifestyle and would one day like to join me on my adventures in off-the-beaten-path places. (And we’ll split the cost evenly!) I am not necessarily trying to brag, but trying to get across that I’m not into Netflix and chill and board games and staying inside. Pandemic or no pandemic. [/quote]

If you are a "7" in the face department with a "great body" they the only reason men are not continuing with a relationship is you personality.  Not being mean, just being honest.  At the start of dating men are very simple.  They want you physically or mentally.  You are not meeting either of those needs.[/quote]

I think #7 is the problem. It's not that you have to hide this aspect of yourself. But when you meet these guys, it's not on top of a mountain, right? It's not at Everest Base Camp or in the Amazon, I assume? Or in a glade in Rock Creek Park. You meet at a coffee shop or a bar or something? So going to coffee shops or bars is ALSO part of your life. Living in a regular city is part of your life. You sound a bit like you are putting on a performance about how yoru regular life is not satisfying and you are TRULY something different, something unlike them...and that is fine, but they are saying, OK, but I live in DC here, have a nice time enjoying your passion, bye.

TBH, your insistence on being something else, someone who is only truly herself when she's somewhere else, sounds like an emotional level of immaturity that you haven't resolved for yourself. Lots of people love the outdoors. You don't have to screen for that on a first date. You don't have to find out if the person is willing to backpack through Senegal with you. Find out if you have a connection first. Then you can go hiking together. Maybe the right guy for you is not a hiker, but he'll start to do it because he's into you. Maybe YOU will find something new you like to do because your date does. The connection is what you need to chase. The first date is NOT the time to screen out people for minor stuff like hobbies, because unless they are into something truly weird, all hobbies are malleable and subject to change.[/quote]

+1 to this comment. Try to be present this the date you are with. Maybe this means doing something together rather than just conversing? But when you are conversing -- converse! Have a dialogue, where you actually are going back and forth and listening and are surprised by what you say. It really sounds like you are just talking at them. You will not get a second date if you keep doing that.[/quote]

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