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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse is diagnosed with ASD, depression and anxiety.  OP - h3et DH (assuming)  on medication stat if there are comorbidities. AFAIK ASD isn't medicated, but if there's other dx like above or OCD, ADHD, etc. then take those pills. He'll need a psychiatrist and therapist.  For it to have gone on so long undetected might indicate some childhood or family trauma and dysfunction.

PP who mentioned Cassandra syndrome is right.  You also need to take care of yourself and your kids. Seek out individual therapy if you think you need it. We used to do couples therapy, but even the therapist agreed it was a waste of time and dropped us.

My kids are too young for therapy, but that's something we might revisit as they get older. We got them screened for ASD because tbecause there's a strong genetic component. So far it doesn't seem they have i[b]t. I am basically taking care of the kids 100%, even though we live with their father. He does spend time with them, but it is supervised and scheduled.[/b]

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I could see this working. But still is very far from a normal marriage and team parenting/raising children. [/quote]

Eh, all marriages are weird. I know DH loves us in his own way. We are still a team but his contributions are different. I sometimes feel like a single mother with a generous benefactor who happens to be a moody teenager.[/quote]

Posting for the first time in response to this thread. I’m just rereading because I needed some understanding tonight.  The pp’s post above really resonated with me because that is EXACTLY how I feel, most of the time.  It makes more grateful  and less resentful to think of myself as a single mother.

It helps that he is responsible around his job and does it well. However the stresses from the job is pushing him to want to retire 20yrs earlier though and to be burnt out at the end of the day and on the weekend, to the extent that he seems brain damaged.  It cannot be an easy existence when simple things like navigating a kitchen, feeding himself, and communicating with people and remembering events comes as such a huge challenge. It is hard for both of us.

So much written on this thread resonated for me.

Last night I asked him to cook dinner because I had prepared breakfast lunch and dinner AND done clean up for 2 wks straight. I got a meal kit with instructions. As with any time he’s in the kitchen, there were big accidents. That he blames on poor design of his materials, or me. Something shatters, or explodes, or drops and spills all over the kitchen floor. Every time.

I’m just extra tired this week. Because we’ve re-entered the social world and doing things again and I have always handled that part of our lives 125 percent. Everything from maintaining relationships, making plans, remembering dates, preparing, arranging childcare, making sure kids have everything they need for whatever thing they are doing, etc.  I restarted “date nights” and honestly it is too much work for not enough pay off. I plan everything, arrange childcare, I pay for everything, and all he does is come along for the ride and while he can keep up pretty good intellectual conversation, the emotional connection or affection I crave never comes. I feel like a fool to keep looking for it from him.

I am so thankful for my friendships and that I get what I need from them.  Things like support, understanding, being seen, encouragement, and reciprocity. [/quote]

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