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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote

I agree with these PPs. OP what you are teaching your children is that it's important to try and keep up with the neighbors/peers even if you can't afford it and are drowning in debt. That's such a bad life lesson. You are not upper middle class so stop trying to keep up the facade. I am also wondering whether your kids actually really want to go skiing etc or as I suspect you are pushing them into these things to maintain your false image. If you teach your children to live within their means then probably they will not end up in the financial mess that you are dealing with now.[/quote]

PP-- you are making a lot of incorrect assumptions. We are not trying to keep up any facade. We have cut back on pretty much everything and [b]are leading a very frugal life (especially compared to the rest of our family and friends[/b]) and especially given the fact that we make about $280k. This thread is about people who have debt and are agressively paying it back. I think it's weird you'd think we would push our kids into skiing. In fact I pray they don't ask to go skiing, or to Disney or to take music lessons etc because it's hard to say no, but right now we have to say no.[/quote]

Your family and friends are irrelevant and your comparisons to them (even as a parenthetical) are just exacerbating your problem.

WHAT YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS DO IS NOT RELEVANT.  [/quote]

OP, I am the non-skiing PP who posted last week about how these things are not essential. Since this was my childhood, I can tell you from first hand experience that yes, it is hard to be the only family not going somewhere fancy for Christmas. It is hard being the kid who isn't having a hugely expensive birthday party. I think that what you have to accept is that, for whatever reasons legitimate or otherwise, you are the parents and it was your decisions that have led to these "hardships" (if you can even call them that) for your children. Protecting them from the hard realities of being a family with debt is not doing them any favors. I was well aware of my family's financial situation as a child. I knew why we had less money than my classmates' families did. Honestly, when I started going to public school in middle school, my peer group changed a lot. I wasn't the poorest kid in the class anymore and I became self conscious about other things (as pre-teens are). In my opinion, it is important to have age appropriate conversations with your kids about why they can't have that thing they want or go to the place that everyone else is going. It is important, as the parent, that you explain that as a family, you are investing your money in other important things, like the house and the retirement account. It is important that you present this in a light of "but here is what we [u]will[/u] do this year that is fun" as well, lest it become a doom and gloom scenario that they could misinterpret.

Furthermore, frankly, it's important for you to understand that the while some people might value the trappings of an upper middle class lifestyle, ultimately, those things are actually pretty fleeting. If it is more important to you that your kids get fancy vacations and expensive new clothes than it is for you to be saving for retirement or investing in your childrens' college fund, that is a fairly depressing commentary on your value. [/quote]

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