Reply to Family pressure for son’s name

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m amazed how many people feel a new mother should surrender her rights to name her own child to avoid upsetting her in laws.  What about the reverse? Imagine having a daughter in law from a different culture and insisting she doesn’t have a right to name her own children? That would be pretty offensive/likely to cause a rift in my book.

As well, DH may say it “has” to be the first name,  but here’s another place for compromise— Hani can be his middle name. No, it’s not the exact tradition. Yes, it does honor the person in question and the baby is still named for Hani.  Expecting a mother to give more in a compromise than her in laws is a pretty sorry reflection of how people think women should be treated. [/quote]

Emphatic +1.[/quote]

I’m the PP who’s Arab. OP can and should be able to name her kid whatever she wants. I was just pointing out the consequences of that decision. Naming the first born son after the grandfather is a pretty important tradition in some Arab cultures (not mine). That’s just the way it is. Her husband wants to continue the tradition. OP doesn’t. So clearly they have a problem that they need to resolve. To me a name isn’t the biggest deal in the world. So yes I would name my son if I had one after my husband’s father cuz I know it would mean the world to him. Now what are things I wouldn’t compromise on? Picking where to live, my kids school, how to raise my kids (DH’s family is more conservative than mine), what my girls can wear (more of a religion thing and less of a cultural thing). Since DH and I come from very different families - his more religious/conservative and mine much more secular) we discussed all of this beforehand and we were on the same page. We never discussed the name thing beforehand - I never cared to know if it was a big deal in his own specific culture because for me, a name isn’t the most important thing in the world. Because DH and I are on the same page when it comes to raising our kids and how to live our life, my MIL’s disapproval is irrelevant when it comes to those very issues. If we weren’t on the same page then we would have a problem and that problem wouldn’t be between me and my MIL. It would be between me and DH. Now that OP is pregnant, her DH is probably thinking of how they should be raising their kids (within Arab traditions or more westernized) and this is probably one thing out of many. As for me, we decided that our girls will be raised to speak arabic and English, that we would go and visit my home country at least once a year (DH was born and raised here) and that we will celebrate our holidays and raise them with Arab/middle eastern traditions. Yes we live here and our kids are American but traditions are still important to us. Now that may not be the case with OP since her and DH come from different cultures. [/quote]

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