Reply to When dating someone divorced when do o you ask why they split

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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with PPs who say that you should look at their actions and take everything they say with a grain of salt. People after a divorce like to tell nice stories about themselves. Sometimes it's necessary because divorce can be a real blow to your self image and you need to build it back up. But it can lead people to tell themselves stories about their own behavior and their ex's behavior and about how their divorce unfolded that are not always particularly accurate. You have to be wary of that.

A PP mentioned that her DH told a really good story, something like "We got married young and weren't compatible and decided we both deserved to move on at 40." That's a very nice, drama-free story! I am certain it also just scratches the surface of that person's marriage and divorce. It can even be true, and that person can still have lots of issues that you don't want to deal with. I've known a couple people who had divorces like this and one thing they have in common is that they remarried VERY quickly (the men, not the women). They were super eager to fall in love and get married again, which was surprising to me because you'd think if you'd just spent a decade or more in a marriage that you now describe as "over a long time ago" you might be a little more cautious about marrying again. I'll be curious to see how it pans out, but my observation as an outsider is that everyone carries the same issues from their first marriage into their second. I'd want to know what those issues are, and I wouldn't assume that they will have the honesty or the self-awareness to just... tell me.[/quote]

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