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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my husband is a recovering alcoholic.

Of everything you've said here, besides him drinking something he doesn't like to get his daily dose, it's his excessive experience of shame that sticks out at me--it's pathological and it's not necessarily the result of you doing or saying something to "shame" him. It's common in alcoholics.

Resentments, too. If he continued going to AA he would hear someone say that "expectations are premeditated resentments," particularly when the drinker doesn't do anything to communicate those expectations in real time.

You don't need a local Al-Anon hookup, necessarily--I went to meetings on the phone and a lot of them are now on Zoom. But you really will find community in Al-Anon, I would bet.

FWIW, my husband went to residential rehab and when he came back I didn't drink in the house for six months or a year (it's been a while, so I can't quite remember how long). That wasn't something he asked me to do; it was what I was comfortable with at the time. But I don't agree with the advice that you need to give up drinking yourself in order to pull him along--that's just not how it works when someone is actually serious about sobriety, which is what you have every right to hope for. [/quote]

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