Reply to People with a lot of friends and a big support system -- how do they do it? (Question about sister)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also puts in the time with friends, keeps regular dates with people, makes an effort. For extroverts this kind of effort is effortless so that helps.

I'm a huge extrovert and when my dad died this year I was overwhelmed by the love, support, food, childcare help I got. My husband is much much more private, but he also wants a community and can't quite figure out how to do it.[/quote]

Curious on what practical advice, if any, you gave your husband.[/quote]

there are a few things we talk about:

1. small talk. he loses interest in surface conversations so quickly that he never has a chance to make a deeper connection. I told him that the purpose of small talk isn't the content -- it is establishing trust. once trust is established then you can move on to "big talk."

2. making time for people. this seems so obvious to me but isn't to him. for example, if he made a date with someone but then day of finds himself busy with work, he cancels. I never, ever cancel, unless I'm in the hospital or something. The effect of this is that he doesn't make people feel very valued.

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