Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you feel guilty and are trying to assuage your guilt by blaming others. It was YOUR job to care for your own dad. I have never been in your situation so I can’t judge, but if I were you I would feel very guilty, too. I think you should see a therapist.[/quote]

You say you can't judge but you do sound very judgmental!

Some people on here are deliberately obtuse. Or they really, genuinely can't relate to the situation I was in. Do I really need to make a drawing for you to understand?

I was physically living overseas. Permanently. Married to someone from a country that is not my own. While it was my own decision to move abroad out of my own free will when I was 27, sadly I was unable to split myself in two and live in 2 places at the same time.

The ONLY way I could have been a proper caregiver who did 100%, or the majority of the caregiving myself, without involving relatives, was to move back home, with Dad, until the day he died. Right? But that would have taken 3 years. It was simply never an option.
I would have lost my marriage.

[b]Being an only child - a blessing or a curse? I don't want to be blamed for a decision I made when I was a single 27-year old who wanted to see the world.[/b]

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OP.  You made your choices.  27 is not a child.  I, too, am an only child and I have made different life choices.  I know that my parents would have been devastated if I chose to move overseas.  I made career and life choices that kept me within driving distance.  I certainly missed out on "seeing the world" and career opportunities in order to stay close to family.  That was my sacrifice.  Yours was not being able to support a dying parent.  I'm not saying this to place blame, it's just that we all give up something in order to support our priorities...[/quote]

Hi, OP here. 27 is not a child, but I had always been interested in travelling and the wider world, ever since I was a young teenager. My parents also liked spending vacations in other countries.

My parents supported my decision to move overseas, especially my Mom, who never got the career opportunities I got. She had me when she was barely 21 years old. Dad was 24.

I supported my ailing parents to the best of my abilities, within the means that I had, and within our geographical limits. You are right in the sense that I could have offered my parents more hands-on, practical support if I had stayed nearby. But I didn't...
And so many people in the US don't either. What if you're an only child and your parents live several states away? Surely you cannot be with them 24/7 ...? 
Or what if you meet a future partner from a different state, where do you decide to settle down, near your parents, or his/hers? It's not that simple.[/quote]
OK, your family sucks.  They are't very helpful.  You should not feel guilty for living your life.

It's fine to vent, but it seems you were also looking for some absolution, which NOBODY on here can give you.  That's why people are saying you should get a therapist to help you move on from the guilt.
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