Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you want, absolution? You moved overseas and weren't able to spend time with your parents when they were ailing and dying. It's done. The reason people are suggesting therapy is because you are obviously not at peace with how things went down. You came from a distant, unsupportive family and were yourself distant from your parents. Your father was too stubborn to accept help, and it sounds like you married a somewhat rigid and inflexible man yourself. A therapist can help you unpack this stuff and move on.[/quote]

You clearly didn't read or understand my posts. 
The 3 years that my Dad was ill I went home to visit and help him as much as I could, to the best of my abilities. Sometimes DH came with me to help, but usually I went on my own. I once spent 7 weeks with my Dad on unpaid leave.

I did the same when Mum was ill and I spent the last 6 or 7 weeks of her life with her, by her hospital bed. I was there when she passed.

Technically I COULD have moved back home when my parents were ailing but practically speaking that was never an option. I would have lost my job overseas and I would have needed a new job near my parents, eating away time I could have spent with them. We're not made of money, you know.

Many of you here ask why I was so mad at my relatives. Some of them told me they were too 'busy' to do more for my Dad in my absence. 
I found out that their definition of 'busy' meant busy going to the salon, busy getting their nails done, busy playing tennis, busy meeting friends and busy going to BBQs. 
Meanwhile, when I was with my Dad I was busy cleaning his house, scrubbing floors, washing and ironing his clothes, cooking food and emptying his chamber pot. And while I considered these to be my duties, my definition of 'busy' is somewhat different than that of my relatives.[/quote]

OP, others are missing point.  You flew back and forth.  You coordinated care from overseas.  You wiped his butt.  You did best you could.  True, rest of family worthless.  Not even to check up on him?  Geez, my terminal MIL over 1000 miles away had mere neighbors checking up on her daily.  They weren't even relatives.  Your family sucks.  Don't let it take any more rent free time in your head.  You moved physically, now move mentally.  And break the cycle.  Be really involved with your kids and your DH family. [/quote]

Thanks. You get it.[/quote]

I think you did okay OP.  Don't worry about it anymore. I can understand why you feel annoyed that your relatives didn't do more!  Let it go though. They were probably busy, oblivious and thought you had it all covered with the aides you hired.
Good on you for hiring aides and for talking with your dad frequently - plus visiting. You were very helpful to him. The important thing is he had you looking out for him.[/quote]

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