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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK OP.  You obviously think your daughter should be grateful for ponying up 1 year in a mid-tier state school.  Do you understand that from her perspective the $90K in loans from MD isn’t appreciably different than the $300K from Vassar? They’re both going to cripple her financially for most of her young adulthood. You are not offering her a choice between debt free college and student loans at a private school, you’re offering her the choice of a lot of debt at a school she doesn’t want to attend or a LOT of debt at a school she does.

And, as others have pointed out, if you had held off marrying your rich second husband she would very likely be going to either school debt free.

So how should you talk to her about it? Well, when it comes to
Decisions she will make that will affect your life, how do you want her to approach it?  Yeah I’ll pony up for one year in a mid-range state assisted living facility and then mom can go to whatever hell hole medicaid will fund because I’m still making payments on my college debts?[/quote]

+1
It's not like you're offering her something attractive (debt-free at a state school) against something more attractive (moderate debt at the school of choice).  You're offering something crappy (moderate debt at a school she doesn't want) against something also crappy (crippling debt at the school of choice).  I agree that this is not just about college.  It's about your relationship with her, and with the rest of your family (who apparently don't really see her as part of the family).  So that's how you should approach it, whatever solution you come up with.  [/quote]

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