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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do you think he is underachieving and incompetent?[/quote]

He hates his job, talks about hating it all the time, has for years, but won't take any action. He thinks every move is too risky. Meanwhile, I have quadrupled my income during our marriage (his has completely stagnated), so it is difficult to respect someone who complains but doesn't do anything about it.

Same with his weight. He is perpetually in a state of trying to lose weight but never succeeding. How can I respect someone who claims to want to make a simple change yet simply cannot achieve it?

When I married this person he was fit and graduating from a prestigious graduate program. I am not really sure how I got suckered into this bait and switch, but I have a very hard time just accepting it. [/quote]
You have two choices here:

1. divorce him and upend your DDs life.  Will she survive? Yes, but will she be angry and sad for a long time, probably.  If you guys don't fight in front of her, and otherwise have a decent family life, you would be destroying your DD's world

2. help your DH lose weight.  I got my DH a fitbit and made a gentle remark about his weight.  He has lost 40lbs. He is 57.

As for his career:  you say you quadrupled your income in so  many years.  I assume you did so in part becaue your DH took on some heavy lifting at home so that you could spend some time focused on your career. I'm sure you did a lot at home, too, but I imagine that you would not be where you are without your DH's help.

Is your DH a serial complainer?  Is he depressed maybe?

My DH could be earning double what  he earns now if he put his mind to it. But it would mean getting into management, which he absolutely loathes, and I don't blame him.  But, he's a good dad and husband. He does a lot with the kids, cooks, fixes stuff in the house, etc... He also wants to retire early, which I am helping him achieve.

I was once told by an ex that I have high expectations.  A wise man (not my DH or ex) once told me that the problem with having high expectations is that you inevitably will be disappointed. When we first had kids, I had high expectations of the type of father/husband DH should be.  As expected, I was disappointed. It was a source of bitterness for me for many years.

I've had to temper and adjust my expectations of my DH, my kids and mostly, myself over the years (I'm probably a lot older than you).

IMO, it is not worth blowing up my family for some pie in the sky high expectation of my DH.  The grass is alway greener on the other side. Would you rather have a high achieving DH who is a douchebag to you and your DD or what you have now?  Sure, it's not an either or, and there is a wide range in between, but the devil you know is always better than the one you don't know.

If you don't think that you can ever come to respect your DH for the most part, then yea, divorce, because your contempt will come through eventually, and that will lead to an unhappy family situation for your DD.[/quote]

The kid is 2 years old. She is not going to be sad and angry for a long time. She would adjust quickly. It is ridiculous to assume otherwise. Truly. [/quote]

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