Reply to Messed up marrying the wrong guy, where to go from here

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Reply to "Messed up marrying the wrong guy, where to go from here - give it to me straight please "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do you think he is underachieving and incompetent?[/quote]

He hates his job, talks about hating it all the time, has for years, but won't take any action. He thinks every move is too risky. Meanwhile, I have quadrupled my income during our marriage (his has completely stagnated), so it is difficult to respect someone who complains but doesn't do anything about it.

Same with his weight. He is perpetually in a state of trying to lose weight but never succeeding. How can I respect someone who claims to want to make a simple change yet simply cannot achieve it?

When I married this person he was fit and graduating from a prestigious graduate program. I am not really sure [b]how I got suckered into this bait and switch, [/b]but I have a very hard time just accepting it. [/quote]First you need to do therapy to understand why you chose him.  And you did choose him, you didn't get suckered.  If you don't do that, you risk making the wrong choice again.  Speaking from experience here as someone who subconsciously avoided people who were good partners and ran after people who were unavailable until I did group therapy for adult children of alcoholics.  Own your choice and figure out why you made it.  Then move forward.  Good luck with this.  I know it's painful.[/quote]

There are marriages in which people do a bait and switch. And these things can't be predicted. Count yourself lucky if you were not in this situation. It does not take therapy to figure this out if this is really the case. Also, even if it wasn't, people normally can figure out in hindsight why they made the choice they did and they don't "need therapy" to figure that out.[/quote]

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