Reply to Managing parents expectations about alone time with granddaughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What even is the grandparent obsession with "one on one" time? It's honestly weird. Why do they need to be alone with an infant? I get as the child gets older and the grandparents want to have a direct relationship with them, not always mitigated by a parent. That makes sense to me. But what's the difference between spending time with a baby in the presence of the baby's parents, versus if the parents are elsewhere? IME, most babies will be more enjoyable if their parents are around because it helps set them at ease. It's normal and natural for babies to have intense bonds with their parents, especially their mothers. If mom is nearby, the baby will know that the grandparent is a trusted adult and will probably be less anxious.

My mom and MIL were both pushy about wanting 1:1 time with my DD, and I honestly think it was mostly because they wanted to do things they knew I wouldn't approve of. Like my MIL was really pushy about wanting to give my baby solids before we were ready (or before any pediatrician would ever recommend in this day and age) and I'm pretty sure she wanted me to go away so she could give my baby some rice cereal, which for some reason was really important to her. Grandparents can have a really hard time with boundaries.[/quote]
No it is not weird. 
Geez. Just because you have unreliable or pushy parents or in-laws doesn’t mean that every grandparent is wacko it cannot be trusted.
And lots of babies do just fine with grandparents and the parents aren’t around.
That may not be true in your case for your kids and that’s fine and that’s a valid but don’t generalize that it’s weird they grandparents want to establish independent relationship with their grandkids. 
 
[/quote]

But insisting on one on one time (instead of just taking it as it comes) IS pushy, and it sounds like a lot of grandparents do it. No one is saying that grandparents should be around babies on their own, just asking why that is fundamentally better than spending quality time with the baby while the parents are there (not even necessarily in the same room! just in the same house). To insist that parents leave their kids entirely in your care actually is kind of weird. If they want, that's one thing, but trying to push it onto a parent who would clearly rather be with their child is a strange approach.

Also, you can establish an independent relationship with grandkids without the parents going away. My child has independent relationships with a number of adults, including family and close friends, and some of them have never been totally alone with her at all. But they take an interest in her, talk to her directly, and make an effort to spend time with her when they are around. None of them as ever told me they need me to leave so that they can spend one on one time with my kid, and if they did, I would find it off-putting.[/quote]

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