Reply to S/o outsourcing cleaning as a relationship fix

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[quote=Anonymous]Something we've learned is that even if you have a partner who is bad at cleaning or hates doing it (which in our case, like most cases, is my DH), you can still technically both contribute more equally, if not perfectly equally, simply by being respectful, mature people. I do the bulk of the cleaning that is purposeful and planned, as in "I'm going to go clean the bathrooms now" and I get out cleaning materials and scrub and wipe things down and actually "clean". But my DH is a grown up and does a ton of stuff that makes it easier for me to be the person who handles the bulk of the cleaning, including:

- keeping his stuff (paperwork, phone and iPad, reading material, personal mail, etc.) organized and tidy
- cleaning up after himself and after our kid, by putting dishes in the dishwasher, wiping down counters and tables when done using them, etc.
- doing the laundry at least half the time if not more, including doing our kids laundry
- doing grocery shopping and keeping an eye on the fridge and pantry and knowing what we have and need
- doing dishes after he cooks or after we eat, at least half the time
- helping me with cleaning periodically if it seems like I need it, like helping me make a bed if he walks in the room and I'm doing it, etc.

None of this stuff is "cleaning" in the sense that none of it could be outsourced to a cleaning service. It's more like basic maintenance and taking responsibility for your immediate surroundings plus being respectful of the people you live with. I still do the bulk of the cleaning. But it doesn't cause problems most of the time because DH does all of the above. And if your DH doesn't do these things, outsourcing the cleaning will not solve your problem.

It's really about being a grown up, taking care of yourself, and not treating your spouse like your mother. We can't afford weekly cleaners, and even if we could I would probably still do it because I truly don't mind, but it's not a huge problem because my husband behaves like an adult in his 40s with a mortgage and a child, not like a 9 year old.[/quote]

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