Reply to "Kids are resilient!"

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Reply to ""Kids are resilient!""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What seems to be happen between these two camps is the different definition of "resilient"

The "never say this!" camp seems to use the formal APA definition (as posted above) regarding the ability to bounce back from adversity/trauma/tragedy

The "totally say it!" camp seems to use the more colloquial definition, that children are innately adaptable, flexible, mailable, and can recover from quite a lot of they are provided the proper love and care.

I am in the "totally say it" camp and i come from a lot of "trauma" (parental death as a young child, faced physical abuse, emotional neglect, etc).  Personally, I find it to be more optimistic to focus on the naturally resilient nature humans have, rather than to act as if this trauma will define them forever.  But resilience is something that needs to be taught and modeled, therapy is important.  In times of stress, look to those helping.  Humans are beautiful and naturally resilient.

But I would never say this to a child directly, that is invalidating to their emotions ... but when a neurotic mom is hemming and hawing to me about something like BLW vs purees, or a scraped knee, or overly concerned about developmental milestones -  I respond with "kids are resilient" to (a) shut down my participation in what I think is needless worrying, and (b) to reassure the parent that this will not "break" your child.  There is a lot of pressure to be the "perfect parent" but you can't protect them from all of life's hardships.

If a close friend (not an acquaintance) was talking to me about true trauma their child is dealing with (divorce, death, etc) then I would NEVER respond to a friend with something so flippant.[/quote]

This absolutely crystalizes it for me, especially the last part about context.

OP, this has been an illuminating thread.  I have been just plain lucky that I had supportive and loving parents and was spared from so many hardships that others have had to face, through no fault nor merit of my own.  Just lucky.  I appreciate the perspectives that others have shared.  [/quote]

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