Reply to When do you leave a husband who is not serious about my ticking biological clock?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This was me, My wife and I we’re going on happily, I never said I didn’t want kids I said I was open to the idea but I really want them.

We had fertility issues which kind of focused her on it even more, after a year of treatment she was pregnant. I never had or understood the drive to have a kid, any time I saw them it wasn’t really at all attractive; my experience with children was hearing them scream in restaurants, seeing my friends who had them become really lame and boring or watching them be obnoxious to their parents.

Before we started fertility treatments my wife gave me an ultimatum, she said that she wanted this and it was pretty much nonnegotiable, I responded that I’m not dying for this but I’m open to it if it happens.

Fast forward and I’ve got a 17, 15 and 12-year-old, they are devoid of appreciation for anything, lazy, messy and are huge barriers to our intimate life, however I couldn’t love them any more than I do.

Of all my friends only one couldn’t wait to have kids and he is divorced From an absolute monster of a woman who he has the unfortunate task of coparenting with, the rest of us could honestly take them or leave them but seem to be doing pretty good jobs of being dads.

I obviously don’t know your husband or how he responds to extortion but sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get things moving.

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Np: Wow this is such a real and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing![/quote]

You think this is beautiful? This guy says he can take or leave being a parent. He resents his children for not being appreciative enough, and interfering with his sex life. He sounds extremely immature and selfish. If your husband is like him, do leave him please.[/quote]

He didn't say he could take it or leave it NOW.  He said that's how he felt before his actual children existed.  He also did not say he resents them.  He pointed out that they (like all teens/tweens) have some really negative qualities that can make them hard to love and yet, he could not love them more.  His point is not every guy is just dying to have kids but most end up loving the heck out of their children and doing a good job of parenting them.  [/quote]

I was the PP you helped clarify; thanks.

I love my children, they are my every other thought but was i dying to have them when I was 28? Absolutely not! 
At that point in my life all I knew of babies was they looked like a monumental pain in the ass and I wanted nothing to do with it; screaming in restaurants, crying so loud on the Delta shuttle my ears would ring for hours after my flight, constantly running noses, crapped pants, diapers, throwing up, if you think about it little kids are disgusting and why would anyone ever want one?  I’m not speaking for every man but of the dozen I was close friends with through high school, college and my early 30s no one except for one was looking forward to being a father.

Good decent people develop love, compassion and very quickly develop bonds with the things they thought they would despise. Although this isn’t an exact parallel think about how many times you’ve heard of someone in the house not wanting a pet but fast forward a year or so they are madly in love with the dog or cat that they didn’t want but turn out to be better caregivers than the person who actually wanted the pet to begin with.

To the OP; think long and hard about your guy, if he is honest, giving and compassionate with the people in his life and especially animals chances are he’ll make a pretty decent dad, if he generally has a low opinion of everyone and would drive past a dog limping on the side of the road then this might not be the guy you hijack into parenthood.  [/quote]

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