Reply to "My child is so mature and so independant for her age..."

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Reply to ""My child is so mature and so independant for her age...""

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[quote=Anonymous]This thread is interesting but kinda disturbing because people are at extremes but seem oblivious to it. No, not everyone's parents are abusive alcoholics. Not all kids are molested as children. Not all kids go to boarding school. Not all kids are born to immigrants who can't speak English.

It's weird that people think that the unifying factor there was that their parents made them do early chores or called them "mature". How does that possibly hold as a causal factor across all of these situations? And even if it did, you've shown that all Brie is cheese, but not that all cheese is Brie (in other words, even if all abusive parents call their kids "mature", how does that follow that all kids called mature are abused?)

Firstly, how do you even know what other people mean when they use the phrase? Kids are NOT the same. Look, my parents would say I was "mature" for my age. Me? I was lazy, never cleaned up after myself, lost phones, coats, bags and wallets for years, dirty, paid bills late, had to bailed out a bunch of times as a young adult financially. By mature, they meant that I was very proactive in school - did my homework without complaint, asked for help on schoolwork, picked all my own subjects, picked my own college, aced exams etc. I read a lot. I got into trouble for skipping class to read in the bathroom! So yeah, I'd read quietly or *gasp* watch TV. So they never had to worry. My sister was also "mature" for her age according to them. Her? Exact opposite. Went to three colleges, hated school, changed majors, got terrible grades. BUT she held down a job from 15 onwards - which she loved and was always getting promoted, is clean, fit, healthy, responsible with money, things, calls when she gets home late etc. Now, very successful in business.

Neither of us fit the mold of the "perfectionist adult pleaser" child you think about. Point is that many parents may not have as high as standard as you - lol. Most people don't even know what kids are meant to be doing. When their child does something completely age appropriate they think "wow, she is so mature". My sister has one son and has never spent any time around kids before. She thinks EVERYTHING he does is special and amazing, even when he's just hitting his milestones. The words can mean anything. E.g. A toddler who says no all the time = independent. Autistic kid who doesn't want to be hugged = independent. Kid who likes reading = independent. Sullen teenager = independent.

I think this smacks of being unable to deal with the underlying emotional issues resulting from these childhoods, and instead trying to abstract out blame to something you can "control". I'll [i]never[/i] make me kids do any chores. Look at those terrible parents doing chores. If I do all the chores, my kid can never be molested. Sorry to be blunt but statistically your kid is more at danger from being exposed to a family of addicts/enablers or the probable depression that is no one has mentioned but likely everyone has, than putting a few dishes away.
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