Reply to "My child is so mature and so independant for her age..."

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Reply to ""My child is so mature and so independant for her age...""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think everyone in this discussion needs to take a step back and realize that there is nothing wrong with a child doing some chores BUT there is a point at which teaching children to act like little adults becomes excessive.  I don't know if the person who does 45 minutes of housework with her two year-old is a good parent or not.  To me, it sounds like it could be excessive for a child that age.  I was actually more concerned about the language she was using to describe the activities.  For instance, she said that she "pushes" her children and that they are "adult" for their age.  To me, these sounds like red flags for parentification.  There is a difference between learning to do tasks, especially in a Montessori setting, and being "pushed" to do "adult" things.  But I don't know this woman and I hope she is really just having fun with her kids and doing it because they like it.

Parentification usually involves either parental neglect or parental emotional neediness and I actually experienced both of these things.  I had to emotionally support my parents and emotional boundaries were not respected in any way.  My parents were divorced and at times they treated me as a friend or partner. I was their confidant, I knew way too much about their personal problems and sex lives, and I was constantly praised for my "maturity."  They also loved to take credit for my maturity, partly because my brother was mentally ill and they were not proud of him.

OP and I, and some of the other posters here experienced real parentification which is painful and damaging for kids so maybe we are overly sensitive to a few words like "mature"  and "little adult" which were used to describe kids like us.  This is nothing for a parent to brag about.  My suggestion, if you are using these words to describe your kids, would be to at least consider why you are so happy about these qualities.  I am not saying that everyone who uses these words is making the same mistakes my parents did but it doesn't hurt to think about this stuff a little bit.[/quote]

I know one of these "little adults" and it is not just a kid doing some chores. This little girl is a minature adult and acts well beyond her years. Frankly, it's creepy and I feel very bad for her. Her mother gives private music lessons at an elementary school after hours. Basically, the girl is her receptionist. She sits at a desk, quietly reading or drawing and greets her mother's students as they arrive for lessons. She takes coats, politely asks them to wait and then takes them to their lesson at the appointed time ("Please follow me. Thank you for waiting."). Her mannerisms and speech are completely adult. She is five. [/quote]

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