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[quote=Anonymous]Before my father died, he was in a memory care unit for about two years.  One sibling kept advocating for him to live at home but was not volunteering to be the person to provide the 24/7 care he needed or even coordinate it.  I refused to consider it because I knew it would fall on me and I was unable to provide that for my father. The other sibling would periodically say she wanted our father to live with him but when I told her to carefully consider if she was capable of providing him with 24/7 care (she is a working single mom to a young child), it would be dropped for a period of time.  I also believed that as someone with dementia, he received the care he [i]needed[/i] in the facility. Of course, I wish he could have spent his last couple of years at his home but it simply was not a safe option because of the level of care he required.   I guess it was fortunate that my siblings talked a good game but weren't willing to do that work themselves.  In summary, I understand your position on where your father will receive the best care.

I should add that I also have a difficult sibling and I assume there are reasons other than caring for him that your 60+ year old sister lives with your father.  From your description, I would be concerned of elder abuse and would not hesitate to call the authorities if you see any evidence of it.  Taking care of a parent with dementia 24/7 without help is extremely hard and would test the emotional well-being of a well adjusted person.  Unfortunately, your sister sounds like she already had issues that make her a very poor candidate for this task.  I am sympathetic to your situation and I wish your family the best of luck.  You should start preparing to have the court appoint a guardian for your father and be willing to step into that role yourself and assume more responsibility for the care of your father.  [/quote]

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