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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, people are just trying to problem solve, which is what people do, when I think what you are looking for is just some empathy/sense of shared experiences.  I think you're thinking about this the right way, which is that it is a loss that you need to grieve.  So, do that.  There are books on how to deal with this type of grief -- not the loss of a loved one, but the loss of some expected life path.  Find those books.  Maybe see a therapist for awhile to help you sort through the emotions.

I'm not at your life stage yet, but I think I would feel similarly to you if I ended up in this situation.[/quote]

I think what the OP feels sad about is that she did everything 'right' by making family the center of her world and her children also got to interact with their cousins etc. But she seems to have no understanding of the structural reasons as to why things are the way they are. It sounds like she's never had a career so of course she was able to be so family-oriented. Now it's 2021, and people have broader definitions of family and I wouldnt be surprised if her kids prefer to spend Thanksgiving with friends than schlep all the way back to the OP's. There is more to life than having children and OP needs to get that in her head.[/quote]

Ah, alright.... (pause for eye roll) I had an all-encompassing,  fairly intense career, and I "accidentally" started a new one without even trying to in these last 4 years. It appears that a new one is sprouting, also without full intention.  I also managed a ton of other things while I had a career and kids, and continue to do them.  I still put family first and if I could do it all  again,  I would still make the same choice. It was the best thing ever.

Yes, I had it all, and did it all. Still, I am here to  inform you that there is nothing worth more than people- family,  and friends who become family, and people who will become friends, who then become family.  Nothing. Not  money, 
not stuff, not houses and trips, not anything.   **Ok, dogs- dogs  are definitely also worth it.

And my kids do "schlep" home for Thanksgiving,  thank you! They schlep home for other things,  and we schlep there.

I'm sorry, but I disagree with you about there being more to life than that. You might not have experienced it and,  if so, it might be a good thing that you don't know what you missed. I know what I am exactly missing and, well,.... I miss it.

Ok, thanks everyone. I'm ending it here.   I've decided to engage interactively with some Viktor Frankl literature, namely  Man's Search for Meaning and  then I will report back what I have learned. Or did. Or whatever happens.

[/quote]

OP, as you probably already know, the Cliff Notes version of Frankl's work will fundamentally identify the big three as:

making a difference in the world
having particular experiences
adopting particular attitude

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

This is coming from a guy who was in a concentration camp, remember?  A suggestion - honestly look at the defensiveness which has crept into your responses.

[/quote]

So, here's a bit of reading for you that  I happened upon:

"Attitude Is Everything"

We live in a culture that is blind to betrayal and intolerant of emotional pain. In New Age crowds here on the West Coast, where your attitude is considered the sole determinant of the impact an event has on you, it gets even worse.In these New Thought circles, no matter what happens to you, it is assumed that you have created your own reality. Not only have you chosen the event, no matter how horrible, for your personal growth. You also chose how you interpret what happened—as if there are no interpersonal facts, only interpretations.

The upshot of this perspective is that your suffering would vanish if only you adopted a more evolved perspective and stopped feeling aggrieved. I was often kindly reminded (and believed it myself), “there are no victims.” How can you be a victim when you are responsible for your circumstances?

When you most need validation and support to get through the worst pain of your life, to be confronted with the well-meaning, but quasi-religious fervor of these insidious half-truths can be deeply demoralizing. This kind of advice feeds guilt and shame, inhibits grieving, encourages grandiosity and can drive you to be alone to shield your vulnerability.

Sandra Lee Dennis

**I read your response and tried to remember who wrote this because  I think it will help you with your general interactions with others.

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+100[/quote]

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