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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They usually have catty mothers. [/quote]

I'm embarassed to say that my mother encouraged and egged on much of my 7th/8th grade "mean girl" behavior.

Looking back, I think it was her VERY misguided attempt to protect me.  For her, life is pretty black and white - if you don't seize the upper hand, you're doomed to be bullied (as she was in middle school.) And she didn't want me to suffer the way she had, so she encouraged me to be socially "alpha."   :roll:

To my middle school friends' credit, they stopped tolerating this as we got older.  They pushed back more and more as we approached high school, and in time my perspective began to shift.  I learned to listen more critically to my mother's advice, relax a lot about the social hierarchy stuff, and be more empathetic towards others.  Not gonna' lie - it was a painful and slow growth situation, but I got there over time.

This is my long way of encouraging you all (adults) to take your kids' peers' behavior with a grain of salt.  Maybe some are truly "mean girls" who will stay that way.  But maybe some are decent kids who are less mature or who are getting bad advice and modelling at home from their parents or older siblings.

These days, I encourage my middle school DD to show up very differently than I did.  But I also help her push back on (or steer clear of) peers/friends who engage in "mean girl" behaviors.  But I'm careful to focus on the BEHAVIORS rather than villify them as "bad kids." (Behaviors can change, character less so).  And I also try to frame it as temporary.  These kids are still really young, and many will figure out that they can't treat friends poorly and expect them to stick around.  So maybe try to help your DD step back while still leaving the door open for later:

"Yeah, it sounds like Larla is lashing out a bunch on SnapChat right now.  Sounds like she's going through some stuff and it's obviously not ok for her to take it out on you.  How about holding off on responding next time she does that and give her some space instead.  Hopefully she'll settle down some and treat you better.  In the meantime, how about reaching out to some other friends instead?" [/quote]

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