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[quote=jmiag04]OP here, but I've given myself a tag so I don't have to keep saying it.  To the one a few posts back who said I am to blame too, I disagree.  At least with your specific point.  I am not perfect and I'm sure I've done some things over the years to make her temporarily not want me, but I did not bottle this up.  I would periodically tell her what was wrong, what it was doing to me, how I felt, and that it had to change.  I didn't get into it every week or month, b/c I thought that was too much and it would piss her off.  I usually spoke up when I felt desperate.  Totally agree that if I had kept it to myself I could not feel so pissed about it.  I did not - thus the grudge, she knew what it was doing to me and she didn't move until I threatened to walk out.

As to the person who recommended divorce right now, I really cannot do that.  We got crushed in the housing collapse and are 2-3 years from getting back to even, sooner if she goes back to work.  If we split up it will take many more years to pay the debt off.  Second, like I may have said earlier, I'm not willing to not live with my kids yet.  My youngest is in kindergarten, and while I'm sure it won't be easy or pleasant in 2-4 years, I cannot bear the through of not living with him right now.

Do I have a victim mentality?  Maybe.  I did, for quite some time, but I think now I feel pretty strong and positive - other than being pissed at her.  My view is I will work on this, but in the back of my mind she owes me something and I don't know what it is or how to collect.  If a nice opportunity presents itself, I may take it as my compensation and feel ok with it.  Rather than a victim mentality, I would think this view is being a bit selfish and arrogant, but I feel justified.

To the women on here in my shoes, I don't get guys who don't want sex.  I get being tired, or stressed, etc., but even when I am tired or want

To Mr. Bitter - thanks, I do appreciate you making it clear that I'm not alone and that I'm not crazy for not simply letting it go as if it was all some minor misunderstanding.  I have one thing going for me - I'm only late 30s and I feel like I'm getting better as I get older and will continue to do so for at least the near future.  My wife is a decade older, and let me be clear, I find many women in their 40s and 50s attractive.  Very.  Especially those who take care of themselves and show that they care.  A 50 year old who is fit and confident, although of course not as perky as she was three decades earlier, is more impressive to me than a 22 year old who looks good because we were all fit at that age.  Having said that, as general rule I suspect it will be harder for an early 50s woman with 3 kids to replace someone who loved and wanted her than it will be for me in a few years to replace someone who barely touched me anyway.  At the end of the day, I am sure it will come down to how we think it will impact the kids.  If I think it will be devastating, I'll stay not matter what.  But, on that point, I know that they are not blind and they are aware there is a lot of negativity b/w me and my wife.  It is not inconceivable they would be better off with us apart.

To the person who ended with "believe me there is nothing out there"? May I ask for clarification?  Nobody decent of the opposite sex (not sure if you were a man or woman)?  When I look around (I work in downtown DC with a lot of professionals) I see a lot of quality women, some of them having a hard time finding a decent man.  [/quote]

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