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[quote=Anonymous]I realize that I am both bitter, angry and resentful. There are many out here who have never experienced what I and the several other posters are saying, and I hope dearly that it stays that way in your life. I don't walk around angry about it, in fact my wife probably thinks that my passion is dying as a result of growing older. The problem is that the passion was killed by her years ago, and unless you are a controlling freak of a spouse, you cannot possibly believe that just because you want something means you will automatically be able to get it. I wanted a sexual relationship with the woman I had a burning passion for and she did not. As a result, I now have a sexual relationship with a woman I love dearly, but the kind of sexual passion and chemistry we shared in the early years of our marriage has been killed. It isn't some choice you make to just walk through the door after work and decide that you will have these feelings again. It doesn't work like that (at least not for me). My wife is trying and I appreciate her efforts though I am now realizing the damage she did to the relationship may be worse than I ever imagined; and possibly worse than if she had an affair and ended it. I am forgiving of bad judgement and mistakes, and if I were unforgiving of her rejections, I wouldn't be with her, but actions; all actions have consequences. You cannot possibly imagine that you can treat somebody like this and expect it not to have consequences far beyond the here and now. Inmates in prison think like this, not responsible persons in loving relationships.

I still try to have sex with her whenever she wants it. There is just something that is gone and we haven't been able to find the key to get it back. The other night, she did everything I could have thought of as a teenager to turn me on, and so I know she loves me and wants to make it right, but something was missing, and is missing. Because everything is not lost, I hope to some day come to a comfortable spot that we both enjoy in our relationship, but please do not lecture me on how to get over this. That belies an ignorance of both human behavior, psychology and sexuality. Nobody is born that stupid. You have to go to school to get that stupid.

Mostly I've shared my experiences to keep the OP from feeling totally alone out there because I have been through it myself. I have never had a chance to discuss my feelings with somebody else who has been there, because generally men don't discuss sexual problems with their wives beyond very vague statements made on the golf course or around the campfire. The male ego is a powerful thing. When manipulated well by a good woman, it can cause men to achieve all sorts of success and happiness for those around him, when neglected, it can cause no end to hell for him and his family. This annonymous forum gives people the opportunity to share experiences to find out that we aren't wierd or sick, but very normal and sometimes exposed to abnormal situations. It is the cheapest therapy out there. I am very appreciative of the feminine responses out there; especially those that didn't include a variation of "Just get over it". I try to be aware in my dealings with others, that I can control what I do (regardless of what I feel), but I cannot control them, nor how they perceive me or will behave. It is why I still treat my wife as a good friend (she is), but there will likely always be an element missing from our marriage. Maybe it will be replaced with something (not someone) better. Or maybe it will just be one of those things in life that doesn't materialize. 
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