Reply to Resent husband and his sibling over care of Mother in Law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] OP here-  btw, I didn’t post about memory care like prison- we did call on memory care but it is 7k a month and would go through her money so fast. And she is with it during some days so we felt like she could do well in assisted. She isn’t confused all the time.  I have no idea really- we have tried to research / talk to doctors/  and figure out what to do. 
 I guess I resent the BIL because yes a person in retirement has more of that beautiful thing called time. We are shuffling work demands, three kids,
- they are juggling a lot of free time. I think with this coming on and bring as high need, why can’t they come and take some shifts of elder care? 
  I think that is fair. One sibling cannot be the only caretaker. [/quote]

OP, as I mentioned upthread, do you assume that BIL and his wife are not doing anything useful with their time now that they're retired? They may have hobbies and interests, they may do volunteering in their community, they may work on their house and garden now that they have the time. They may just be enjoying themselves. That's what retirement is for. A lot of retired people I know have a busier life than when they were working!

Are BIL's wife's parents still alive? Are they providing care for them?

You don't get to dictate when BIL and wife visit and how often. Stop trying to control other people's behaviour. It's exhausting! I know from experience! I was in your shoes years ago, in a similar situation. I tried to get members of my family to help me. It didn't work. Asking politely didn't work and asking more forcefully didn't work either. They were spending their free time on 'fun' things instead. I got so stressed out by it all and I lost more than a stone. I felt very let down and lonely.

Perhaps your BIL assumes that you are happy having his mother live with you. After all it was your DH who decided to move her.

A memory care facility would be the best place for your MIL. 
[/quote]

This is so tone deaf.

[/quote]
+1  That ^PP is an idiot.

"they have hobbies"?  Yea, that takes precedence of taking care of your elderly mother, and letting your sibling with young kids and a demanding job take that burden.

Nobody with any ounce of compassion and sympathy[b] would think OP would be "happy" to have an elderly MIL living with her and her kids.[/b]

wtf is wrong with people.[/quote]

I would be very surprised if there has been zero word or thought given to the idea that the MIL would help watch the kids. I would also be very surprised if this were acknowledged.[/quote]

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