Reply to Step-MIL says she’s not my messenger

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Step-MIL says she’s not my messenger "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,[/quote]

Oh my goodness have you tried just talking to your step-MIL as a person versus a vessel for your interpersonal goals between yourself, DH, kids and FIL? Like, spend a few months just getting to know her when you speak to her...

“How are you?

What is going on for you this week?

How was your weekend?

Are you enjoying the (fill in the blank)?

What are you doing for holiday/birthday/whatever?

How are you feeling today?

Have you read anything you’ve enjoyed lately?

Etc etc...

Interactions with people should not be about getting them to do or say something you want. Have you heard of codependency and healthy boundaries? 
If someone spoke to me the way you are with your step-MIL I would go nuts. Can you see how you are viewing her as a function of what you want to get out of her and other adjacent relationships? It is honestly really toxic. You sound like a narcissist, albeit with good intentions but a little blind in the self-awareness department.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics