Reply to Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, I'm the OP and just came back this morning to see all these messages calling me an entitled brat, spoiled, and telling us to rent our own house.  Sometimes this board can be just...callous. I guess I should know that. 
For my own peace of mind because it's not fun to be derided, even if it's by strangers on a message board, I guess I should clarify:

There is no mortgage. This was a house built from scratch by DH's grandparents. It is a small modest home that he has grown up going to every year of his life, for free, since birth. Every year that I have known him, 20 years now, each family member has [i]automatically[/i] taken a week. This isn't "mooching." This is how it's always been done in the family. We always knew we'd be going for a week this summer. The question I was posing is how to navigate "when." There was no question of us going. His mother would be insulted if we offered to pay for a week. DH would be flabbergasted. This is the house where he carved his initials in the walls, measured his height, grew up celebrating every milestone. We're not some random second-cousin trying to mooch for free at a five-star resort on the Riviera. Maybe that's a fun narrative on a Saturday night anonymous message board.

Literally all I wanted to know was how to navigate the complicated family dynamics of everyone trying to schedule a week. DH is doing the liaison with his mom. I am not involved at all. He has flatly refused to rent a house in the same town -- and [b]his mom would be mortified if we did[/b]. Talk about causing a family rift. We literally just need to nail down our daughter's birthday, which she has celebrated at this home every year since 2004 without question or funds exchanged.

I really hope the people who get off on being so nasty on this board can take a pause. And I thank everyone who wrote in with honest replies for the feedback. I wish we could have a shared google cal. Would make it simpler.

[/quote]

You seem to be trying to convince us you are entitled to find a way to get your way. If she has not said yes, use it that day, there is no magic wand that can be waved because despite everything you wrote..you.do.not.own.the.house. You are also mind reading. How do you know his mom would be MORTIFIED if you rented a place? It certainly sounds like she does not want to accommodate you. If you rent and she is MORTIFIED, just politely say you waited to see if you could use that house and when you did not get a confirmation, you moved on. I don't see much nastiness. What I see is people telling you that you sound ridiculous. This is a foreshadowing of far more stress that will come when MIL passes and all the kids inherit the place, so it's good practice. You seem very set on getting your way and people are telling you to let.it.go and move on.[/quote]

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